Hey Shanghai!

Ever since I was a little boy it's been a dream of mine to move to China and make a lot of money, either by stealing someone else's idea or coming up with some bullshit of my own. If this newsletter has been a regular irritant for you for any amount of time, then you already now that mostly I use this little space as an opportunity to troll for investors. This week, we revisit that theme.

Just yesterday I was mulling over my strategies for coming up with these China-get-rich-quick schemes and I'm proud to say that I've had a revelation that has compelled me to think outside the box.

Nay, I'm out of the box, I've folded the box up, poured gasoline on the box, lit it on fire, pissed on the flames, and then kicked the box into the Huangpu River

Usually my strategies take one of two forms: 1) Importing some crap from the west that they don't have in China and selling it to one billion people (Does China have roller blades yet? What about house music?) or 2) Taking an already existing idea and moving it somewhere else (SmartBeijing? SmartGazaStrip? SmartWhatever-is-where-Yugoslavia-used to-be?).

Now, it's recently come to my attention through my research that China never had a 1980s due to ... [cough] ChairmanMaoandtheCulturalRevolution [cough][cough]. Well, China had the 1980s but they didn't have the Eurhythmics, pop tarts, or various other cool shit in it.

So, why don't we just take washed-up ideas from the 80s and reinvent them in China where they never had them in the first place. It seems to work for Celine Dion.

Therefore I propose to YOU, potential investor, that we MINE THE PAGES OF HISTORY AND GET RICH! Here some ideas that no one is using in the west that I think would work in modern China.

1) Pogo Balls
These were popular that one Christmas in like 1983 and if you didn't have one, you were scorned and derided and you had no friends. And then Nintendo came out and all the kids with the Pogo Balls turned into losers virtually over night! Let's rewind the clock and give Pogo Balls another chance.

2) Care Bears
These motherfuckers were huge. And they would totally work in China. How many times have you seen some strange person carting around 900 human-sized stuffed teddy bears on the streets of Shanghai at like 3am and thought to yourself, "Man if they had Tender Heart I'd be all over that shit."

3) Fraggles
Why did Fraggle Rock ever even stop in the first place? Was it just too rad and peoples' heads were exploding? Someone seriously dropped the ball on that. Seriously. How awesome would it be to have Chinese Fraggle Rock? Give me lots of money and let's make it man!

And I'm just scratching the surface here people. There's a decade's worth of ideas to be plundered. Garbage Pail Kids, Charles in Charge, sober Whitney Houston, Thunder Cats, Hungry Hippos, China needs all this stuff.

Give me a call and let's make it happen! And no stealing my stealing-from-the-80s idea.

Have a good weekend!
Set adrift on memory bliss of you,





Da Admiral










Quote of the Week » "I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart." - e e cummings

John Digweed

Friday at Sky: DJ/producer/club promoter John Digweed returns to Shanghai for a show at Club Sky in the New Factories. Tickets 150rmb at the door. Show Flyer »

Anniversary Party: Friday

Lounge18 kicks off a weekend-long anniversary weekend with a DJ performance by Charles Webster, visuals by ARTerror. 100rmb cover. Show Flyer »

Armin Van Buuren

Saturday: Number 1 DJ in the world Armin Van Buuren returns to Shanghai to M2, illustrating his number oneness. Pre-sale 250rmb here. 350rmb at the door. Show Flyer »

Antidote: B6 Post Haze CD Release Party

Shanghai's prolific native son, B6, will be releasing his most mature music production yet -- his new solo album "Post Haze" Read more on SmartShanghai here. Show Flyer »

Tuscany White Truffles and Wine

From Nov 14th, TMSK in Xintiandi welcomes world renowned Italian Chef Roberto Minnetti for a culinary collaboration with R&D Executive Chef Rice. "Forget the East, forget the West, deliciousness is the key." Sample their joint menu: Truffles and wine, and their "Tuscan Atmosphere" menu. Show Flyer »

Live Music Thursdays

Every Thursday, Bistrow by Wagas (at Grand Gateway) presents live music. The band KUZU will be entertaining with their Spanish (flamenco) music as people check out deals like their three course dinner for 138rmb. The lounge hosts happy hour from 4:30pm-8pm. Show Flyer »

Saturday Japanese Brunch

Every Saturday, Ambrosia's Teppanyaki Saturday brunch will satisfy anybody with a hankering for Japanese food. All your Japanese favourites are here, with all you can eat sushi, sashimi and udon available from the buffet - add to this the free-flow juice, soft drinks, coffee and tea and you'll have the perfect kick-start to your weekend. 328rmb. Show Flyer »

Now

The Shangahi Gallery of Art in Three on the Bund hosts a photography exhibition: "NOW." Participating artists are Jin Jiangbo (Shanghai/Beijing); Zeng Li (Beijing), examining environmental changes resulting from modernization. Until December 8. Show Flyer »

ChinaShop - Solo Exhibition by Jin Jia

Involved

Last Chance: Until December 15 at Shanghart Gallery : ShanghART Gallery hosts, the first exhibition at H-Space with both Chinese and foreign artists. Curated by Philippe Pirotte, Director of Kunsthalle Bern, Switzerland, the exhibition features some of the most exciting contemporary artists from Europe, USA, and Shanghai. More info after the jump. Show Flyer »

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and has a drink.

Suddenly, a man hollers at him, "I screwed your mom last night!"
Disturbed, the man tries to ignore him.

Again, he hears, "Your mom was good in bed last night!"
Again, he tries to ignore it.

The man is just about to speak again but the guy stops him and says, "Dad, go home, you're drunk!"