• Don't Tase Me, Bro!

Police in St. Paul, Minn., have ordered 234 Tasers in advance of the Republican National Convention.
Meanwhile, police in Denver, host to the Democratic National Convention, have ordered 88 Mark IV launchers for pepper-spray projectiles.

-- Chicago Sun-Times

The Daily Doofus
In Charles County, Md., Wesley Jumper, 36, and Shawn Stewart, 36, ran out of a local store with about $500 worth of soap and shampoo, jumped into the Good Humor ice cream truck Stewart drove for a living, and made their getaway.
-- Universal Press Syndicate

Useless Fact o' the Day
Nelson Mandela is on the U.S. terrorist watch list.
-- Mother Jones

Streak of the Week
Yes, running around naked is back! Why, people are dropping their drawers at the drop of a hat these days. Check out this week's installment from our nudes wire:

News headline: "Nude man in gas mask at large"
-- metro.co.uk

Gettin' Wiggy With It
In Ontario, Canada, a 68-year-old woman was arrested when she was caught with 26 grams of cocaine and nearly as much marijuana hidden under her wig as she tried to visit her imprisoned son, who was dubbed the Red Wig Bandit for the disguise he used during several bank heists.
Meanwhile, a British woman was arrested in Norway after customs officials found a kilo of cocaine hidden under her wig.
-- The Daily Telegraph; The Toronto Sun

Lame Joke du Jour
Q: Why did the old man eat the lamp?
A: Because he wanted a light snack.