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Thu, June 26, 2008 07:20:13 PMFrom:
Education World Humor Newsletter
Subject:
Education World Humor Newsletter Volume 7, Issue 26
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 Dear Education Professionals, Welcome to the Education World's Education Humor Newsletter. This newsletter is published weekly as a free service by Education World®. You are receiving this newsletter because you signed up to receive our weekly mailing of G-rated jokes and other humor related to the "education world." If you enjoy this newsletter, please feel free to forward it to other teachers. If this newsletter has been forwarded to you, you may sign up to receive it at http://www.educationworld.com/maillist.shtml. Education World is the largest free resource on the Web for teachers and school administrators. We remain a free resource thanks to the support of our advertisers -- so please click on ads of interest and visit our advertisers' sites.
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============================================================================ Volume 7, Issue 26 *************************************************************************** TOP TEN BOOKS YOU WILL NOT SEE ON YOUR CHILD'S SUMMER READING LIST
10. You'll Never Be an Astronaut!
This sobering book lets young readers know that the chances of becoming one of America's highly trained, incredibly brave space explorers is really next to nothing. Included: a chart depicting how amazingly very few people ever achieve a "glory" position like astronaut, sports star, or hedge fund manager.
9. How to Burn Things
This simple guide to setting fires ranges from the kind of insurance-investigation-magnet eight-gas-can blaze to much smaller, but still very destructive conflagrations that can be initiated with the magnifying glass taken from your uncle's Compact Oxford English Dictionary. The handy USA map of state arson laws is a godsend for the would-be prankster!
*8. Eating Animals
This highly informative volume includes 14 full-color illustrations of "meat processing." The very readable text is perfect for kids entering 3rd-5th grades, and the barf bag that is glued to the inside back cover is a wonderfully considerate, practical touch. Bravo!
(tie) *7. Eating the Hungry Caterpillar
We all know about this little bug's appetite from the children's classic of a similar name. This twist on the story includes caterpillar recipes the kids can safely make themselves in their Easy Bake Ovens or over the open flames they create using "How to Burn Things."
6. Bedtime for Slutty Cousin Jane
This whimsical tale is full of vivid language and unforgettable situations – so unforgettable, children will be talking about this book to therapists for generations to come. In fact, the book's companion web site has an extensive list of pediatric psychologists, searchable by Zip Code.
5. My First Book of Dog Fighting
From the people who brought you "Playing Chicken with Stolen Honda Civics," this how-to tract is a must-read for the younger dog-fight enthusiast. Large type, sharp photography, and step-by-step instructions will help the child make the most of his or her black-market hobby. A special edition of the book with a beef-flavored cover laced with virulent skin irritants makes a great gift idea!
4. How to Lose Your Parents in a Crowd
Here it is, finally, the definitive book on this age-old game every parent of a three- or four-year-old has enjoyed many times. This is a read-aloud for kids of that age, so the parents can help coach the little devils on making the sport even more delightful and challenging. Tips include how to get help in evading your parents from unshaven, pot-bellied men with stains on their shirts.
3. Make Way for Juggernauts
This response to the classic "Make Way for Ducklings" is full of enchanting language and truly charming illustrations of large medieval wood-and-iron juggernauts careening through the streets of Boston, laying waste not only to ducklings, but also to college students, independent film crews, Lexus SUVs, and the entire reunited cast of CHEERS.
2. The Other BFG
Not the "Big Friendly Giant" of Roald Dahl fame, but the Bald Freaky Guy. This touching portrait of a bald man who hangs around in the elementary school playground all summer is sure to become a staple of your family library.
1. Stuart Big
This sequel to the famous mouse story concerns the adventures of the mouse after being treated with steroids and radiation. The nine-foot rodent that results from these "enhancements" makes that cat Snowball think twice before swiping at it with its puny little house-cat paw. The ride on that Fifth Avenue bus, and the sailing competition with the toy boats, are just a couple of the events that play out very differently with Stuart Big. The new scene where the SWAT team has to use shoulder-launched rocket grenades to bring Stuart down is a real thriller!
*************************************************************************** The Funny? Teacher I slayed 'em in science
Destroyed 'em in art Like some laughter appliance You buy at Wal-Mart Hilarious homework
Comical quizzes My lecture on Ohm's work Is a routine that whizzes Lewis and Clark jointly
Went on a journey, yah But my history PowerPoint Will give you a hernia The school secretary
Said I should go pro I was like a Jim Carrey Or Larry, Curly, and Moe I thought, why not? So I took my act
To a club with a mike stand It took the heckler aback When I said, "Raise your hand!"
Education World now incorporates www.SchoolNotes.com ~ "everybody on the same page!" The leading school-to-home communications platform, with FREE pages for teachers and automatic notification of parents and students when new homework is posted! For a modest $24.95 PER YEAR, upgrade to Personal Edition, "Super SchoolNotes," with thousands of resources linked to your state's standards! Click here for more information ************************************************************************** Would you like to contribute humor or just let us know what you find funny about the life of an educator? Write to WEBMASTER@EDUCATIONWORLD.COM ... Please put a sensible note in the subject line. Then get ridiculous in your e-mail. *************************************************************************** Have you signed up to receive the... In this newsletter you will find brief summaries and links to about ten education news articles published in the previous week. Some articles highlight education issues of national and international importance; others share interesting local stories about schools and their students. Would you like to see a sample of the Education News Headlines Newsletter? If so, simply click the link below: If you would like to subscribe to the Education News Headlines Newsletter, please click this link: If the Education News Headlines Newsletter is not of interest to you, do you know somebody else who might benefit from it? Perhaps you could pass this information along to that person. ***************************************************************** If you enjoy this Education Humor Newsletter, please feel free to forward it to other teachers! If this newsletter has been forwarded to you, you may sign up for it -- and any of the other Education World newsletters -- at http://www.educationworld.com/maillist.shtml. =================================== |
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