• Criminally Stupid

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? GOOD, BECAUSE I'VE JUST BEEN ARRESTED FOR BEING A STUPID CRIMINAL A Charleston, S.C., man walked into a bank and handed the teller a robbery note that he'd written on the back of his cell phone bill.

HE'S GOING TO HAVE TO DO SOME FAST TALKIN' TO GET OUT OF THAT ONE
In Bismarck, S.D., a 40-year-old man was arrested after he was caught stealing items at the Bismarck Police Department's annual auction.

POLICE FIND RUSTLER'S HIDEOUT
A man accused of robbing a New Zealand bank told police who confronted him that he had no money, but they heard "rustling" in his pants and found he had shoved nearly $2,000 up his bottom. He was arrested.

AW, COME ON, I WAS JUST KIDDING. GUYS? HELLO?
In Vista, Calif., when a man wielding an ax walked into a cigar store and demanded cash, the owner grabbed his wife and dashed out the front door, locking the man inside, then watched as he made "pleading gestures" through the window until police arrived.

THE DAILY DOOFUS
In Ocala, Fla., when a woman came home to find her bath-room door locked and heard water running inside, she called police. Police arrived, kicked down the door and found a 57-year-old naked man sitting on the toilet. The man then asked police to let him "finish doing his business" before they arrested him.
The homeowner, Lisa Bess, said, "It was scary, but it was so funny, too. I couldn't be mad at him because I was laughing so hard."

WCSC (Charleston, S.C.); Universal Press Syndicate; The Bismarck Tribune; Ocala Star-Banner; Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day; The Age