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The Inquiring Heart
When we get stuck, our attention becomes fixed on some aspect of the situation at hand - the very one we don't like. Shifting our attention invites new information and new possibilities.
If you feel stuck, ask yourself, "Where is my attention?" See if you can do this with a simple, open curiosity, as if it were a friendly inquiry and not an indictment. Just notice.
The Bedside Table
This week I'm reading The Black Swan, by Nassim Nicholas Taleb, Escape by Carolyn Jessop, and I'm re-reading Addiction and Grace by Gerald May.
The first is a provocative (and to my mind thrilling) investigation into randomness and the so-called law of averages. The second is a heart-thumping account of escape from plural marriage. And the third is an invitation to spiritual integrity that is both kind and rigorous.
That's my story, and for now, I'm sticking to it. ;-)
Comfort and Awaken Your Writer's Heart
Ever since I woke up to the fact that I need to make a living so I can keep writing this newsletter, I've become quite picky about what I recommend and why. Generally, there are two pre-requisites: value for you, the reader, and value for me.
The value of recommending Jennifer Louden's and Suzanne Falter-Barnes' Taos Writers' Spa is very clear. I've heard from so many women who have found their voices and freed them during this creative getaway.
So, while I won't make a dime on this (imagine!), I urge you to check it out. As an added incentive, you will save $200 if you register but before midnight EST, May 15.
As one visitor put it: "I feel like I fell in love with myself, the woman I discovered at the Writer's Spa! ...Your Spa went way beyond my expectations, and let me tell you... I had really high expectations!" --Karen Booy, 2004, 2005, & 2007 Participant
So what are you waiting for?
The Taos Writer's Spa
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Dear Readers,
Spring has sprung in the northwest, which means we've had 70 degree weather and snow within the same week. I've planted peas, spinach, chard, beets, mesclun, broccoli, and brussels sprouts. Everything but the spinach has sprouted.
My insides have been as changeable as the outsides lately. In the past three weeks I've been as happy as I've ever been and just about as anxious.
Go figure.
There are reasons, but then it's never hard to find evidence to support an existing point of view. What's hard is being at peace with the ups and downs while not becoming attached to either state.
With that in mind, I share the following meditation on making shift happen. I hope you enjoy it.
Warmly,
Making Shift Happen
Shift happens until you want it, have you noticed?
Maybe it's just me, but there are times when I feel so stuck that the notion of shifting seems ridiculous. Worse, I suspect myself of being the source of the problem, an assessment that is generally accurate but not helpful.
Odds are that, like me, you know that willingness is the key to getting unstuck. When we're willing to shift our attitudes and attention, shift happens.
But perhaps you've noticed that we'll go to great lengths before we're willing to shift out of discomfort. For my part, when I look more closely, I often find that I've confused willingness to shift with a declaration that I'm a bad girl who needs to turn good.
Perhaps admitting error wouldn't be such a big deal if I hadn't made a career of it for so long. That is, I made a career of self-criticism, which is not to be confused with accepting the criticism of others.
If you're starting to feel confused, you aren't alone. These first few paragraphs mirror the spiral of self-criticism, complaint, and self-doubt that can keep us stuck for a long time. Examine that spiral too closely and you can end up pretty dizzy.
Stopping the Spiral
How do we get out of this spiral?
Pain works, eventually. When we are sufficiently miserable, we generally do what it takes to feel better. And it would be nice to shorten the cycle, don't you think?
Here's how to cut a few turns out of the spiral of stuckness without being any better than you are. ;-)
- Check out your assumptions about what being stuck means.
- Play with the possibility that being stuck is a good thing.
- Notice the objections that arise as you play with that possibility.
- Make a list of everything awful that will happen if you stay stuck.
- Talk to somebody without looking for a solution.
We develop willingness to shift by being curious about our assumptions rather than attacking them. There is a crucial difference between questioning stressful thoughts and debating them!
When we debate our assumptions or, worse, attack them, we often become more entrenched. I think that's a sign of health, albeit a clumsy one. There is no part of us that is going to agree to lie down and be stepped on. That's a good thing.
So the trick is to open a real conversation rather than launch a campaign. That means giving up the conviction that there is a right answer that can be known if only we think right. It means letting go of the fantasy of doing "it" right - whatever it may be.
It means opening up to - gasp - grace.
The Unearned Shift
Grace is free of charge. Gratis.
It is unearned. By definition, grace is something we do not deserve. (This would explain why trying harder to be good can lead to the paradoxical result of being locked out in the spiritual cold.)
The five steps I outlined above are ways to get in line for grace. They aren't intended to be a magic formula that will make you feel better. For all I know, they'll make you feel worse.
They're something to keep you busy while grace happens.
Trust in God and Tie Up Your Camel
That said, those steps are not mere busywork. While I haven't found that I have the power to shift mood-mountains with my thoughts, it's been my experience that I can open or close the channel to the Power that does.
The remedy for being stuck and lacking the willingness to change is to open that channel. We do that when we question (not debate) our assumptions and surrender our expectations. Fortunately, even that does not have to be done perfectly.
Just get in line and let grace happen.
Talk Back: I love to hear from you, and I read every email personally, even when I can't reply to all of them. Send your thoughts to letters@authenticpromotion.com. And if you prefer not to be quoted in a future article, just let me know.
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U.S. Library of Congress ISSN: 1530-311X
Unless otherwise attributed, all material is written and edited by Molly Gordon, MCC. Copyright (c) Shaboom Inc.(r) 2008. All rights reserved. Visit our extensive archives at www.mollygordon.com .
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