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Thu, April 24, 2008 06:33:39 PMFrom:
Education World Humor Newsletter
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Education World Humor Newsletter Volume 7, Issue 17
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 Dear Education Professionals, Welcome to the Education World's Education Humor Newsletter. This newsletter is published weekly as a free service by Education World®. You are receiving this newsletter because you signed up to receive our weekly mailing of G-rated jokes and other humor related to the "education world." If you enjoy this newsletter, please feel free to forward it to other teachers. If this newsletter has been forwarded to you, you may sign up to receive it at http://www.educationworld.com/maillist.shtml. Education World is the largest free resource on the Web for teachers and school administrators. We remain a free
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This week's newsletter is sponsored by Dell. Simplify Your School’s IT with Dell Dell helped Zion-Benton Township High School save five weeks of work annually. ========================================================================== Volume 7, Issue 17 *************************************************************************** "I used all my GOOD jokes for the book, so I'm fresh out! But if you have a joke you think is good (or bad) enough to share with others, send it to me at kingbart@comcast.net, and maybe it will show up here!" You'll notice these jokes are credited to Bart's readers! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q. If the blue house is made blue bricks, and the red house is made red bricks, what is the green house made of? A. Glass! from Shawn Cusack -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q. What has four legs and one arm? Q. What do you get when you cross a hippo with an elephant with a rhino? The two above jokes are from Matthew Breymeyer. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A little five-year-old girl is in kindergarten. She is nice and proper in her uniform. The class was learning about whales and the teacher told the class that whales eat little things called plankton. The little girl says, "Well, a man named Jonah was swallowed by a whale!" So the teacher explains to the class why that would be physically impossible. The little girl said, "Fine, I will ask Jonah when I go to heaven if he was really swallowed by a whale." The teacher asked, "What if Jonah didn't go to heaven." In her sweetest voice, the little girl said, "Then you can ask him yourself." from Greg Harrison -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What sort of pains do snakes get when they molt? from Tom & Kyle Nine -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There are two muffins in an oven, and one muffin says to the other muffin, "Man, it's getting hot in here!" Then the other muffin says, "Oh my God, it's a talking muffin!" from Linda Breymeyer -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There were three brothers: Shut Up, Trouble, and Manners. One day they played "hide and go seek" and Trouble got lost. They searched for a long time and couldn't find him. Finally they went home. Shut Up wanted some fresh air and went outside. He then saw a cop. The cop said, "What is your name, son?" Shut Up said, "Shut Up." The cop said, "What is your name, son?" Shut Up said, "Shut Up." The cop said, "For the final time, what is your name?" "Shut up!" yelled Shut Up. The police officer was stunned. "Where are your manners?" he asked. Shut Up, thinking about his brother, said, "Inside." "Are you looking for trouble?" the officer asked. Now Shut Up was amazed. "How did you know?" he asked. from "magicviola" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man was on an airp*** 20,000 feet in the air. Bags of nuts were being handed out. The man opened his bag and took a nut out. "Hey! Nice tie!" The man turned to the woman next to him. "You like my tie?" he asked her. "What? I didn't say anything," she said. Surpised, the man popped the nut in his mouth and took out another one. He heard a voice say, "Nice suit!" He turned to the woman on the other side and said, "Hey! Thanks! It's an Armani." "Hey, I don't know what you' re talking about, loser." "Okay. I must just be hearing things." So the man gets up and walks to the back of the p***. "Can you give me something to help me sleep?" he asked the stewardess. "I'm hearing voices complimenting me." "Did you eat the nuts?" the stewardess asked. "Yes" "Oh. That's why! Those nuts are complimentary!" from David Fritz -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A lady is taking a shower when the doorbell rings. She puts on her towel, goes downstairs and answers the door. It is a fireman. "Congratulate me," he says. "I just put out my first fire." "Good job," says the woman. Then she goes back to her shower. A few minutes later, the doorbell rings again. The lady puts on her towel, goes downstairs and answers the door. It is a policeman. "Congratulate me," he says. "I just caught my first robber." "Good job," says the woman. Then she goes back to her shower. A few minutes later, the doorbell rings again. She looks outside and sees that it's her friend, the blind man. "I don't have to put on my towel because he can't see me," she says. She goes downstairs and answers the door. "Congratulate me," says the blind man. "I just got my sight back." from Kate Mackin -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Setting: A 7th grade middle school classroom. A kid walks up to his teacher, with a doctor's excuse.) Kid: I have to leave now. Teacher: Why, Timmy? Kid: My doctor told me I'm allergic to learning. Can I leave now? from Jacob Runnels -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A policeman says to a guy, "Why did you park in this No Parking zone?" The guy answered, "The sign said 'FINE FOR PARKING.' " from Tyler Ford -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A little girl who always wears skirts went to a new school. One day, a little boy named Timmy asked her to climb up the tether ball pole for a cookie, so she did. Pleased, she went home and said, "Mommy, mommy, Timmy gave me a cookie because I climbed up a pole!" Her mom said, "Don' t do that! Timmy' s just trying to look at your underwear." The next day, Timmy said the same thing but offered her a dollar to climb the pole. So the girl went home and said, "Mommy, mommy, Timmy gave me a dollar because I climbed up a pole!" Again, her mom got mad, and the girl said she wouldn' t do it again. Finally, on the last day of school, Timmy came up to the girl and offered her $5 to climb the pole. When she got home, she said, "Mommy, mommy, Timmy gave me $5 because I climbed up the pole." Her mom said, "What did I say, young lady? Now you' re grounded because he was just trying to look at your underwear." The girl said, "But I tricked him! Today I didn' t wear any underwear!" from Rick Kristoff -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Boy #2: I don't Know - how? Boy #1: You don't. You get down off a duck. (If you don' t get this joke, ask somebody for help. I did!) submitted by Rick Witte -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *************************************************************************** THE BIG BOOK OF BOY STUFF 
There's this boy. Let's say he's somewhere between nine and thirteen years old or so. You'd like to see this kid get creative. You'd like to see him get some exercise. You'd like to see him get out from in front of the television. And you'd love for him to be motivated enough to find some stuff to do on his own. This boy NEEDS The Big Book of Boy Stuff! The Big Book of Boy Stuff has all the important information that boys just have to know. Collected here for the first time in one place, it holds the answers to these timeless questions: What do I do if I get a bean stuck up my nose? How can I make lightning without killing myself? Where can I find new practical jokes to play on my friends and family? How can I make a rocket?
THE BIG BOOK OF GIRL STUFF
THE POCKET GUIDE TO MISCHIEF 
The greatest leaders and geniuses in history were mischief makers. They were the brave women who looked at how unfair the world was and said, "I can do better than that." They were the stalwart men who saw stupidity and asked, "Why do we have to do it that way?" And they were the delightful children who ganged up on the neighborhood bully and hit him with wet noodles until he said, "Uncle!"
Yes, history's mischief makers had the courage to point out that things like slavery, global warming, and turtleneck sweaters are bad. And they also pulled off some of the greatest hoaxes and practical jokes of all time. Their achievements include the Boston Tea Party, the "War of the Worlds" radio broadcast of 1938, and the Cheese Whiz Disaster of 2008. In honor of them, we introduce The Pocket Guide to Mischief, the perfect addition to any prankster's collection, as well as a fun-filled how-to for the budding troublemaker in all of us.
Education World now incorporates www.SchoolNotes.com ~ "everybody on the same page!" The leading school-to-home communications platform, with FREE pages for teachers and automatic notification of parents and students when new homework is posted! For a modest $24.95 PER YEAR, upgrade to Personal Edition, "Super SchoolNotes," with thousands of resources linked to your state's standards! Click here for more information ************************************************************************** Would you like to contribute humor or just let us know what you find funny about the life of an educator? Write to WEBMASTER@EDUCATIONWORLD.COM ... Please put a sensible note in the subject line. Then get ridiculous in your e-mail. ***************************************************************************
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