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Volume 7, Issue 13
April 3, 2008

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EDUCATION WORLD PREMIERE HUMOR
REAL HEADLINES, FAKE COMMENTS
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Real Headline:
Study: Students Drinking by Sixth Grade
A study of more than 4,000 sixth-graders in Chicago schools that showed that 17 percent already had tried alcohol, suggests that education programs need to start at the elementary level, researchers said.

Fake Comment:
Other researchers suggest telling kids that if they drink Valdemort is going to get them.

Real Headline:
School Stressing Importance of Sleep
To stress the importance of adequate sleep for learning, officials at Memminger Elementary School in Charleston, South Carolina, are asking parents to sign contracts agreeing to put their children to bed kids

Fake Comment:
As usual, "stressing" so much that nobody can get any sleep!

Real Headilne:
Dropout Figures Worse Than NCLB Data Shows
Because many states report lower dropout figures to the federal government than they do to state education officials, the magnitude of the high school dropout problem is being hidden, some say.

Fake Comment:
Other observers speculate that the math is simply too difficult for the state education agencies to handle.

Real Headline:
Officials Unveil Statewide Chess Program
Idaho is the first state in the U.S. to approve a chess curriculum for all second and third graders. The state will fund chess instruction for the voluntary program.

Fake Comment:
A follow-up report noted that, since no math- or logic-oriented teachers showed up to volunteer in this program, but only the usual language- and arts-oriented crowd, the kids have, instead of actually learning chess, have made up little costumes for the pieces and written them a puppet play.

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EDUCATION WORLD PREMIERE HUMOR
POET'S CORONER
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How Do You Get Your Ideas
by Forrest Stone

How do you get those ideas every week?
Is a question I get only rarely
And so here's the story of how I turn bleak
Empty pages into aviary

First I ramble around through the woods of a morn
Well, I'd like to, but that would be torture
I go where the path is a little more worn,
To my office, which once was a porch, sir

I look out the window, I look at the Net
I see what the cat went out last night to get
My teeth chatter like a clicking castanet
With myself, I start booking a sorrowful bet

That I'll just find nothing
The well will run dry
I'll be huffing
But the deadline will die

Then somewhere quite out of the blue of the dawn
An idea lopes by and settles upon
Some word or some phrase or some image it's seen
And I'm there like an outfielder deep in the green
With my glove raised on high, other hand as a shield
So the sunshine won't blind my play out on the field

The idea drops and we hear it slap
My glove as my hand tries to close and trap
The mercurial globe in its rocketing flight
And sometimes I catch it and call it a night

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