St. Patrick, it is said, brought Christianity to Ireland, used the three leaves of the shamrock to explain the Holy Trinity, and drove all the snakes out of Ireland, probably retroactively through time since the previous ice age helped with that little problem. How this got translated into the drinkingest holiday of them all, well, that's the real mystery.

This brings us to March 18th, the unofficial observance of “Stomp Around Like a Clydesdale Carrying an Elephant while Speaking Very Loudly” Day. This is a great holiday for those of us who (a) don't drink that much, if at all, (b) know or work with people who do and (c) are a little mean or vindictive. Or a lot mean or vindictive. Schadenfreude–it's not just for Germans anymore.

Those who observe this fine tradition will also prepare really aromatic foods to help with the “recovery” of those who thought that drinking a gallon of Guinness was a good idea at the time. “Would you like a bite of my sausage and onion hoagie? Here, smell, that's fresh, huh? Hey, where you going?”

Once you're done with your “shameful joy,” you might want to head over to Auraria Campus. Specifically, the musical folks at Metro State invite you to a Faculty Recital, with Hoyt Andres on trombone and Jen Bratz on piano.

Now there's a woman who either really hates the toy line that also uses her last name, spelling and all, or is a big collector of those same toys. Regardless, she's probably also heard all the jokes vis-a-vis her name and those dolls. Much like William Smurf doesn't need to hear any more blue skin jokes, and Elaine G.I.Joe is already aware that “knowing is half the battle.”

So, light feet please and just enjoy the music, starting at 7:30 p.m. at the King Center Recital Hall.

Enjoy the music, DRINK PLENTY OF WATER, HERE, LET ME GET YOU SOME (STOMP STOMP), and thanks for reading!