Dear Education Professionals,

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Volume 7, Issue 9
March 6, 2008

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EDUCATION WORLD PREMIERE HUMOR
LESSONS YOU WON'T FIND ON EDUCATION WORLD
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(Oh, by the way, if you DO manage to find these lessons anywhere but here, give us a holler: maybe we'll sue and finally make some money at this silliness!)

MARCH IS WEIRD NUTRITION MONTH

In addition to the usual lessons about grubs and other things whose disgustingness we hide behind names that came into the language from the French, this "hybrid" (human / nonhuman style) guide to eating will definitely create gastronomic excitement in your classroom. Hmmm … I wonder now that I say it whether you actually WANT gastronomic excitement in your classroom. Maybe this was a set of lesson plans we could've saved a few days writing … Hmmm …

ST. PATRICK'S DAY

No joke here. See "sue," above.

MARCH MADNESS …

The REAL kind of madness! Here's a nifty online lesson plan where students can make bets in a Vegas-style pari-mutuel gambling system on how many kids will go completely bonkers … in the next week, next month … according to regions determined by distance from colleges participating in the NCAA basketball tournament. The amazing linkage to the nation's mental hospitals' computer systems was provided by Cynthia "Hack" Jones, the winner of our "help us devise a truly offensive use of classroom technology" contest! Congrats, Hack, and please accept those tickets we sent you in the mail as a little thank-you.

SPRING INTO DECOMPOSITION

That's right, now that the spring thaw is coming, your primary-grades students will have a blast going out on field trips to find flora and fauna decomposing in the warming peat. Here's just one idea we can "tease" you with from this amazing set of lesson plan / barf bag kits we're selling on eBay: Have a race with nature! Look into the causes of rotting and putrefaction – and don't forget to explore how refrigeration can slow or even halt a great deal of those processes but can also cause death if you leave your lab partner in the fridge for too long – Start some stuff rotting in your classroom about the time the spring thaw starts, and see whether your indoor rotting stuff is more rotten or less rotten that the rotten stuff you find outside. Just
$24.95 per kit, which includes reproducibles, a teacher's totally light-blocking mask, smelling salts, and the aforementioned barf bags
(24 per kit!) … Small print: Barf bags are primary grades size bags.
For older students, please visit our website and our handy stomach-capacity widget, brought to you by Google.

More Lessons You'll Never See on Education World:

MUSICAL CIRCULAR FIRING SQUAD

Coaches: eye-hand coordination at its best!

LITTER AS LITERATURE

Students clean up the various wrappers and rum bottle labels around the periphery of your school's neighborhood, and use them as their day's reading assignment! A win-win for the environment and for the nation's literacy skills.

BULLETIN BOARDS THAT WATCH YOU

This is a sponsored lesson plan, brought to you by the CIA.

THIS WEEK'S SURVEY QUESTIONS

Have you ever made a decision for yourself in your entire life?

What, do I have to be your mother?

Who are you kidding?

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EDUCATION WORLD PREMIERE HUMOR
Real Headlines, Fake Comments ***************************************************************************

Bill Would Expand Crimes to Decertify Teachers

Who is this Bill anyway?

Math Teachers, Students Can Be Bad Match

Miscommunication between math teachers and students may compound the struggles some students experience in calculating the trajectory required to throw things at their math teachers and hit them.

Educators Fighting Back against Online Insults

Mostly they're using emoticons.

Beef Recall Puts Schools on Alert

Cattle doing better at memory tests than U.S. students.

Eating Better Could Earn Kids Cash

This one is almost worth leaving alone.

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!

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Would you like to contribute humor or just let us know what you find funny about the life of an educator? Write to WEBMASTER@EDUCATIONWORLD.COM ... Please put a sensible note in the subject line. Then get ridiculous in your e-mail.

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We have attempted to research all the jokes and other humor that appear in this newsletter to ensure that no copyrights have been violated. We have noted sources where they are available. The humor that appears in this weekly newsletter does not appear on the Education World Web site.

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