• The First Time Ever I Shot Your Face

"We have a wonderful quail crop, and he is a fabulous shot."
-- Anne Armstrong, on Dick Cheney returning to Armstrong's South Texas ranch where he accidentally shot a hunting companion in the face two years ago.
(The Associated Press)

Since he's dropped out of the presidential race, we don't have Mitt Romney to kick around anymore. Or do we?
20 Things Other Than President That Mitt Romney Looks Like
1. a former Tarzan
2. a guy modeling briefs on a package of underwear
3. a guy who forgot to remove his teeth whitening strip
4. a guy who tries to sign you up for Herbalife
5. a guy who winks when he shakes your hand
6. a guy who would brag about his cholesterol
7. a Jet Blue pilot who comes out to greet the passengers during the delay
8. a tour guide at the Nixon library
9. a guy who pitches over-priced cemetery plots
10. the pharmacist who doesn't accept your prescription plan
11. the desk clerk at a Peninsula Hotel who tells you your room's not ready
12. the guy on the Just For Men bottle
13. the guy who has a crease in his jeans
14. the guy your mother points to and says, "Why can't you be more like him?"
15. the honorary mayor of Sherman Oaks
16. the maitre d' who tells you your table's not ready
17. the owner of a steakhouse who keeps interrupting dinner to find out how things are going
18. a guy who said he met Marge on eHarmony
19. the photo that comes with the frame
20. an American president in a Canadian movie
-- "Late Show With David Letterman"