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Free Shipping? From Despair?!

Free Shipping

For A Limited Time Only. As in Once-In-A-Lifetime.

Yes, you read it correctly. Despair is offering all U.S. customers a chance to purchase anything and everything their hearts desire without having to pay a shipping fee- provided you spend at least $20 dollars on your order. Just use the coupon code "freeshipping" on any order placed between now and the end of November. (International customers are being afforded a separate and exciting money-saving opportunity, detailed at the end of this promotion...)

In what seems like the century of Sundays that I've worked here- and yes, they do make us work on Sundays - I have never witnessed seen so bold a promotion authorized for so long a duration. Seriously. It just doesn't make any sense.

Considering that you can already buy Demotivator Lithographs on sale for $9.95 through the end of the holidays, and considering the fact that all DespairWear is discounted by $3.00 for the same period, the addition of Free Shipping represents, like, a REAL BARGAIN.

Why they would be authorizing this during the busiest weeks in our company's history is- frankly- kind of CRAZY. It's not like folks in the call center or warehouse aren't already nearing the breaking point, given the insane amount of orders were getting. I saw Mike ("Mark") Straub having a conversation at the watercooler just a minute ago- which would not have been so alarming were it not for the fact that he was talking to the watercooler, asking about its vacation plans, and then laughing hysterically after some bubbles floated up. I think it goes without saying he doesn't need any more stress.

And yet, with this latest initiative, that's exactly what we're going to get. More employees having more conversations with more inanimate objects and less employees sitting around the watercooler actually engaging in healthy conversations about how sucky things are. That's... Uh...

I think I'm starting to understand the master plan after all...

Happy Thanksgiving.



** International customers- fear not! - Though we're not extending this particular promotion to those living outside the United States, we've nevertheless engineered- with the help of the Federal Reserve and the profligate deficit spending of the US Government - an exciting discount opportunity! For the foreseeable future, we've arranged for your foreign currencies to be greatly inflated in purchasing power against the US Dollar! That's right, no matter whether you hold Euros, Canadian Dollars, Kiwis, Rubles or even the wimpy little Slovakian koruna- you can buy unprecedented amounts of American made junk, thanks to the amazing benefits of the Henry Poulson's Flaccid Dollar Policy. So go ahead, indulge to your heart's content- knowing all the while that you're saving a fortune, even while those of us in the states are hoarding food, gold and lead and preparing ourselves for hyperinflation! Like we didn't have enough to worry about! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

(Seriously, I need a break. I'm gonna get a drink of water. See what's up with the Mr. Bubbles. You wouldn't think it, but dude, he is SUCH a riot... So, so funny. )




Despair Illustrated

Because a picture says a thousand hurts.

Click here.




The Ironic Tee

The battle to create the most ironic tee is over. We won.

Click here.




Demotivator® Tees

Unleash the Power of Mediocrity. In style.

Click here.



Subtexts

Finally, a t-shirt with funny sayings on it.

Click here.



i > u

The Superiority Complex. Simplified.

Click here.



Wickedosity

Don't bother looking it up. I'm the definition.

Click here.




Despair, Inc. | 800 Interchange - Suite 102 | austin, tx | 78721


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