First, the bad news: critics say Beowulf will inspire English teachers and literary scholars to tear out their hair. The good news? The scribes also say it's a flick that fans of bombastic action and phantasmagoria will want give their right arms for. If you didn't read the epic poem in school, get thee to a library; suffice to say the story involves a dude named Beowulf (Ray Winstone) tangling with mead-hall crashing beast Grendel (Crispin Glover) and Grendel's vengeful, seductive mom (Angelina Jolie, much more attractive than her fictional progeny would indicate). The pundits say Beowulf's amazing visuals are the biggest draw here, as director Robert Zemeckis uses dazzling CGI to bring the classic tale to vivid life. (They also note it's not for the kiddies, despite its PG-13 rating.)

Everyone can use a dose of magic and whimsy from time to time, right? But frippery requires a light touch, something critics say Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium lacks. Emporium stars Dustin Hoffman in the title role as the proprietor of a magic toy store, a place where baubles can come to life, fueled by imagination; Natalie Portman plays his protege. The pundits say the big problem with Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium is that it ODs on zaniness in an effort to make up for a bland storyline.

Nobel Prize-winner Gabriel Garcia Marquez is widely acknowledged to be one of the world's great men of letters. Javier Bardem, hot from his performance in No Country for Old Men, stars in the adaptation of one of Marquez' most celebrated works, Love in the Time of Cholera. Unfortunately, critics say it's more like Love in the Time of Narcolepsy. Bardem stars as a man who is so enraptured by a woman he waits 50 years for her, despite her shifting affections. The pundits say Love misses the spirit and passion of Marquez' magical realist tale by miles, with fine actors in miscast roles and a too-literal approach, bogging down material that has a sense of sweep and romanticism on the page. Find out what else is playing this week.