Back to newsletter listDate:
Sat, September 01, 2007 06:51:43 PMFrom:
Education World Humor Newsletter
Subject:
Education World Humor Newsletter Volume 6, Issue 34
(Mailing list information, including unsubscription instructions,
is located at the end of this message.)
 Dear Education Professionals, Welcome to the Education World's Education Humor Newsletter. This newsletter is published weekly as a free service by Education World®. You are receiving this newsletter because you signed up to receive our weekly mailing of G-rated jokes and other humor related to the "education world." If you enjoy this newsletter, please feel free to forward it to other teachers. If this newsletter has been forwarded to you, you may sign up to receive it at http://www.educationworld.com/maillist.shtml. Education World is the largest free resource on the Web for teachers and school administrators. We remain a free resource thanks to the support of our advertisers -- so please click on ads of interest and visit our advertisers' sites. ====================================================================
Show our veterans how much we value their service. The History Channel® has developed Take a Veteran to School Day to link veterans of all ages with students. The initiative will bring history to life for classrooms grades K-12 and help strengthen ties in your communities. It is timely, topical and non-partisan. This campaign is not only celebratory and commemorative, there are clear links to classroom course units. The History Channel has developed grade-appropriate, curriculum-linked activities for grades K through 12. The content includes oral history guidelines, simple activities for younger students, and projects to share with veterans. Visit Veterans.com.
Connections Academy is an accredited, school at home program serving elementary, middle and high school students. Our program combines the accountability of public school, the innovation of online learning and the supportive environment of homeschooling. Click here for more information about our tuition-free program. ==================================================================== Volume 6, Issue 34 Welcome back to school for another amazing year of the Education World Humor Newsletter. Bring your smile along? Make sure it's on the leash - you know the rules! ********************************************************************* THE BACK TO SCHOOL WELCOME LETTER Dear Lowlands High Families: Well, it seems like only yesterday I was reading out the names of last year's graduates, watching their proud parents' faces as I gave my little speech about public school being over and the expense and uncertainty of college and career bearing down relentlessly on their hapless families. I remember well reading out the statistics about student loan debt, the coming recession, and of course little thoughts about hopelessness and nihilism of a more universal nature, from some of my favorite writers, like Beckett and Nietzsche, as we played Chopin's funeral march for a change instead of "Pomp and Circumstance." Boy, that was fun, watching the parents' faces grow paler and paler in the setting June sun! But my delight with the ceremony only kept me chuckling until Bastille Day -- that's July 14 for the many of you who actually graduated from Lowlands High and can't therefore be expected to know facts like that -- so I've had the rest of the summer to think of great ways to make that first partial week back at school, after Labor Day, a very special time for your teens and our teachers. TUESDAY: Amnesia Day One By trading all the steroids I found in the lockers last year to a shady Peruvian who claims to be a pharmaceutical executive, I've obtained enough amnesia pills to make our first day back at school a real adventure. Instead of people learning new names, they'll be forgetting their own! Think of the fun! Think of the critical thinking and creativity this will foster! Side effects can include drowsiness and nausea, but that's nothing compared to the chaos we'll be enjoying, since people will forget, I'm told by my friend Arturo, not only their names, but even whether they're students or teachers! WEDNESDAY: Staff Stereotypes After everybody's recovered, I'm requiring the entire staff to dress up in the most stereotypical costume they can possibly find based on their own ethnic and regional background. I've given the staff guidance by way of example: I outfitted Dr. Horace Stubbs, whose family origins are in the Deep South, with frayed overalls, a straw hat, and a bucket of genuine pig slop. The basic idea here is, hey, the kids make fun of the teachers anyway: Let's get on their "good side" by going first! THURSDAY: Offensive Art, with Discussion Before I gave them their diplomas, I asked the seniors last year whose academic and disciplinary records would otherwise have prevented them from graduating for a little make-up project: Creating enough profoundly offensive painting, disgusting sculpture, and revolting art installations to turn the stomachs of the most reckless and profane review committee of the National Endowment for the Arts. On the third day back, we'll find these "art" items in the gym, the library, hallways, playing fields, and even inside select lockers and, where we are able to successfully pick the locks, inside vehicles in the faculty parking lot. All the really horrible stuff -- manure statues, that sort of thing -- we'll have in the lunchroom. Discussion? Oh, I don't think we have to actually organize the discussion... FRIDAY: Follow Directions Friday On Friday, we'll release wild Bengal tigers at the South end of the school. We've rigged up all the doorways in the school to be under the control of a dashboard here in the office. We'll be able to open or close any door in the school! Over the public address system, we'll give the students and faculty (and any visitors who may be here, like the school board, all of whom I've invited) directions as to how to avoid being confronted by large hungry wild cats by quickly running to or away from particular doorways. Okay, here's the fun part: The directions will all be given in the foreign languages that we teach here at Lowlands High, Spanish, French, and Latin. We'll be broadcasting the directions in all three of those languages at once, so a sharp ear will help you avoid a sharp claw! PTO Fund-raiser I was going to put a note in here about the first PTO fund-raiser, but I think I'll wait to see how Follow Directions
Friday turns out first.
Principal *********************************************************************
Education World now incorporates www.SchoolNotes.com ~ "everybody on the same page!" The leading school-to-home communications platform, with FREE pages for teachers and automatic notification of parents and students when new homework is posted! For a modest $24.95 PER YEAR, upgrade to Personal Edition, "Super SchoolNotes," with thousands of resources linked to your state's standards! Click here for more information ******************************************************************** Would you like to contribute humor or just let us know what you find funny about the life of an educator? Write to WEBMASTER@EDUCATIONWORLD.COM ... Please put a sensible note in the subject line. Then get ridiculous in your e-mail. ******************************************************************* We hope you enjoy receiving this Education World e-newsletter. Did you know that Education World offers eight other FREE weekly newsletters? Click the link below to see sample issues of all our newsletters! ********************************************** If you enjoy this Education Humor Newsletter, please feel free to forward it to other teachers! If this newsletter has been forwarded to you, you may sign up for it -- and any of the other Education World newsletters -- at http://www.educationworld.com/maillist.shtml. =================================== |
The following information is a reminder of your current mailing list subscription:
You are subscribed to the following list:
Education World Humor Newsletter
using the following email:
kallyorama@gmail.com
You may automatically *** from this list at any time by visiting the following URL:
http://mail2.educationworld.com/newsletters/mail.cgi/u/Education_World_Humor_Newsletter/
If the above URL is inoperable, make sure that you have copied the entire address. Some mail readers will wrap a long URL and thus break this automatic *** mechanism.
You may also change your subscription by visiting this list's main screen:
http://mail2.educationworld.com/newsletters/mail.cgi/list/Education_World_Humor_Newsletter
If you're still having trouble, please contact the list owner at:
humornewsletter@educationworld.com
The following physical address is associated with this mailing list:
