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Wed, June 27, 2007 07:21:45 AMFrom:
The Wailing List
Subject:
The Wailing List - Don't Be Afraid
New DespairWear:
"Don't be afraid- I'm right behind you, using you as a shield."
Want to save $4 on this new SubTexts™ shirt? Simply use the coupon code "wegotyourback" on any order which includes this shirt between now and 11:59 PM CST on July 2nd, and you'll get the discount!
But where, you might ask, is all the marketing copy? The throwaway jokes? The rich abuses of the language? The cleverly authentic-looking typographical errors that help to perpetuate the illusion that Despair is a sloppily run mess?
I'm not writing any this week- I'm sorry- I'm just not.
Why am I always the one who has to do all the talking in this relationship? Why is it always up to me to make the jokes? Why is it my burden to find things for us to talk about every time we get together? We used to have so much to say to each other. Maybe you could take a little time out of your busy day of surfing websites and forwarding youtube clips about mentos and diet coke or wild-eyed prairie dogs to your "co-workers" in order to write ME and let me know what's on your mind? I'm a human being, you know? And marketing is a dialogue, not a monologue. I read your replies, and occasionally, I even offer helpful feedback to YOU.
Don't believe me? Consider this lengthy exchange I had only last Thursday with a Wailing List subscriber just like you.
From: "Yvonne (removed)" <(removed)@(removed)>
To: "The Wailing List" (feedback@wailinglist.com)
Subject: Re: The Wailing List - TWO New Shirts
Date: Thu, 21 Jun 2007 06:14:25 -0400
i don't get it. what does "Fe" mean? is it supposed to be "FEE"? if so, youre an idiot for spelling it wrong. talk about irony! try harder next time stupid.
xoxoxo,
yvonne (removed)
From: "The Wailing List" (feedback@wailinglist.com)
To: "Yvonne (removed)" <(removed)@(removed)>
Subject: Re: Re: The Wailing List - TWO New Shirts
Date: Thu, 21 Jun 2007 08:28:46 -0400
Please ***.
From: "Yvonne (removed)" <(removed)@(removed)>
To: "The Wailing List" (feedback@wailinglist.com)
Subject: Re: Re: Re: The Wailing List - TWO New Shirts
Date: Thu, 21 Jun 2007 11:02:03 -0400
youre are an idiot. im trying to help you guys out and yuo(sic) tell me to ***? way to go, igmo.
im writing a mail to dr kiersten(sic) to let him know how you respond to constrctive(sic) criticism. what is his address?
yvonne
From: "The Wailing List" (feedback@wailinglist.com)
To: "Yvonne (removed)" <(removed)@(removed)>
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: The Wailing List - TWO New Shirts
Date: Thu, 21 Jun 2007 12:44:21 -0400
His email is ***@wailinglist.com. Please write him immediately.
And seriously, the last time I heard "igmo" used unironically was in 1985, when I was in junior high. It's time to update your vernacular. (Please tell me you don't also say "Butt smoke!" when you hear people get insulted...)
From: "Yvonne (removed)" <(removed)@(removed)>
To: "The Wailing List" (feedback@wailinglist.com)
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: The Wailing List - TWO New Shirts
Date: Thu, 21 Jun 2007 14:02:03 -0400
nice try idiot but im not so stupid. i just called your customer "disservice" group and mike (mark?) somebody gave me his cell number so you might want to start searchng(sic) monster.com for a new job.. cause im raising hell about this.
Y
From: "E. L. Kersten" <(removed)@despair.com>
Subject: Customer Complaint from Yvonne (removed)
Date: Fri, 22 Jun 2007 11:09:56 -0500
To: (my real name) (removed)@despair.com>
(My name):
Please *** <(removed)@(removed)> from The Wailing List. I just spent 15 minutes trying to explain the Ironic Tee to her- unsuccessfully. She does not appear to have ever ordered anything from us- despite being on the Wailing List since 2003. So I don't believe she'll be missed.
Also, please remind Mark and the others in the call center not to provide my cell phone number to people who aren't either peers in industry or reporters with high-circulation periodicals. It is more than a little awkward to be discussing remedial chemistry with an incensed, sub-literate, non-customer while test driving a Lexus LX470 with the Lexus head of sales.
p.s. - In case your wondering, yes, I got the car. What a beauty- and truly a steal at $70,000!
p.p.s. - Please don't share the price of the car with other employees. Since that's more than twice the average salary here, I'm afraid it might be damaging to morale.
regards,
E.L. Kersten, Ph.D.
Despair, Inc.
From: "The Wailing List" (feedback@wailinglist.com)
To: "Yvonne (removed)" <(removed)@(removed)>
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: The Wailing List - TWO New Shirts
Date: Fri, 22 Jun 2007 12:21:02 -0500
At Dr. Kersten's request, I am unsubscribing you from The Wailing List. Thank you.
p.s.- Butt smoke!
Despair, Inc. | 800 Interchange - Suite 102 | austin, tx | 78721
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