Eden Robins
May/June 2007
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Monthly Garden
This Monthly Garden is about dreams
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DREAMS DIE HARD
By Eden Robins
"Before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way.
It does this not because it is evil,
but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we?ve learned as we?ve moved toward that dream. That?s the point at which most people give up.
- From The Alchemist,
by Paulo Coelho
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I have a dream...a dream that has carried me through both good times and bad. I hold it close to my heart, refusing to part with it, or let it stray from me. Some would argue that its a selfish endeavor. That the dream I hold cost too much, not only to myself, but to others. This dream has held power over me, my decisions and my actions for so long, I could never imagine it not being a driving force in my life.
Funny how life changes.
Recently, I've felt it slipping away. I've felt myself questioning its importance, its possibility, its validity. I've started to wonder if maybe, as some have said, it's just a fairytale after all.
Yet dreams die hard.
And with each set back, I've tried to find a reason, tried to find something to keep me smiling, to keep me positive, to keep me going. But lately it's almost as if life is making a mockery of that hope, challenging it at every turn as if to say, "You think you can do this" Let me put another obstacle in your way and then we'll see how positive you are."
Suddenly I'm tired. Suddenly that light of hope is starting to waver. And that dark space, that dark place of no hope, or hopelessness is peeking its leering face out at me, taunting me with its reality and proximity. I fight it off, but each time it comes back, it seems stronger and more real. And each time it appears, it tries to convince me that the day has come for me to forget my dreams. In the past I've merely shrugged it off, but as of late the message strikes a chord in me, in a way it never had before.
I never considered giving up my writing to get a "real job". I never entertained the thought that I could physically, spiritually, or emotionally give up something that is as much a part of me as breathing. I always envisioned myself writing until the day I died.
Until now.
Doubts are crawling in. And as they do, the words of others are playing back in my mind. "You really need to work on your writing skills." "You haven't honed your work well enough." "Your work just isn't for us." "Who do you think you are?" "You need to get a real job." "You're living in a fantasy world." "You'll never make a living as a writer." "I don't want you to give up your dream, but..."
And do you know the saddest part of all? It's that my mind is now actually imagining the possibility of not writing. My mind is actually considering getting a "real job". And my heart is trying to test out the reality of not writing.
But dreams die hard.
The power of dreams can be so strong. The lure of turning them into a reality so compelling, and the vision of what that reality is like so wonderful. I don't want to give up my dreams. Yet suddenly, I'm so tired. Tired of the fight. Tired of the setbacks. Tired of hearing how impossible, improbable and unlikely my goals are.
Just tired.
And instead of waking up each day hopeful and positive, as I have in the past, I've begun waking up with my heart in my throat, worried and negative about the possibilities of the day. I've woken up faced with hard choices that have challenged my faith in myself and my chosen path. I've begun to wonder if the journey I'm on, one that I thought God had chosen for me was just a pipe dream.
Yesterday was just such a morning. And as I went through my day, trying to get everything I needed to finish accomplished. Trying to find a way to make things work. Pondering the concept of my life without writing, I felt a little bit more hope slipping away. And in its place, sliding insidiously, dangerously through me was the feeling of numbness and acceptance I had always resisted in the past. And as the day turned into night, I was tired once more. So tired. Seriously thinking about giving up the fight.
I quickly made dinner for my children, and then dropped my daughter off at school to get ready for her Chorus performance. That night would be her last performance at her school, since she was graduating in May. As I rounded up the rest of my children, and we arrived just as the chorus rehearsal started, the sound of their first song slowly made its way into my consciousness. The song was called, "Possibilities", and it was all about hopes and dreams for the future. As I listened to this wonderful song, and saw the beautiful, fresh-faced exuberance on my daughter's face as she did one of the things she loved to do, sing, something inside me shifted. Something deep down began to loosen and relax.
After the song ended, several of the kids walked up to the microphone and spoke briefly about their dreams for the future. The last child, a pretty girl with a shy smile, whose eyes were lit with enthusiasm and the fire of hope spoke about one day becoming an author. And as I stared into the face of this young girl, so full of dreams and possibilities, so filled with hope for the future, I saw myself.
I was that girl.
And all the possibilities, all the hope, all my dreams suddenly came rushing back to me. I reminded myself that I although I not accomplished all of my goals, I had already accomplished many of them. The rest were just sitting there, waiting for me. Looking over their shoulders with a smile of anticipation, asking, "Are you ready" We're still here waiting for you. Let's go!"
I found the face of my daughter then. And she was looking right at me, a great big smile on her face. Pride in her eyes. I'm blessed to have such a wonderful daughter and such a great relationship with her. Staring at one another, we shared a moment of understanding in that slice of time. Her message was clear. "I believe in you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud you're an author. And I'm proud you're my mother."
Recently, my daughter told me I was her role model. Her words and the hug we shared right after she told me that went straight to my heart. Despite my struggles, despite my sometimes slow progress, my daughter saw me as her role model. I was awed and humbled by this.
And my daughter seems to have picked up the writing bug, and has started several stories of her own. She hopes to finish them one day. I've read her work. She's very talented. With a voice so strong and clear, I get choked up every time I read her current works in progress.
The moment we shared past as my daughter turned away to start singing the next song. But it's one I won't forget. The rest of the performance continued with songs of hope, songs about the adventure and joy this journey called life can be. More children stepped up to talk about their visions for the future. And the excitement and hope in their eyes was unmistakable.
After the performance, refreshments were served, and parents and children talked. Beyond each parent telling their children how wonderfully they sang, which they all did without a doubt, parents talked with each other. And the topic of conversation was the same. "Weren't those wonderful songs they sang? I loved that song about possibilities. I loved the way each child spoke about their dreams."
Dreams die hard.
And that night, as I went home with my children, I came to an epiphany.
Hope is still alive and well in my heart, and in the world. With each child born that hope gets renewed again and again. And despite the tale of Pandora's box. Despite this story declaring that hope was the only thing kept inside, I believe hopes and dreams still live and breathe in the hearts of people.
And this morning, as I woke up to a new day, I knew I had some hard choices to make. I knew I had some obstacles to overcome. Just as I knew the journey would sometimes still be bumpy and rough. I also knew that some days I would get tired, and that people would continue to tell me what I can not do.
But dreams die hard.
And though I haven't attained all of them, I'm truly grateful that I've reached some significant milestones I had once only dreamed about, just as that young would be author at my daughter's chorus performance is dreaming about. And that flame of hope, that light that had started to waver is flaring brighter in my heart today.
Writing is in my blood. It's in my soul. It's a part of who I am. I can't and won't give it up.
Dreams die hard.
I have a dream...
© Copyright Eden Robins |
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From Eden's Garden
Dear Friend,
Welcome to my May/June Monthly Garden newsletter!
As you know, I wasn't able to get a newsletter out to you last month. It was just one of those hectic months where there was more to do than time in the day. But this month, I've managed to put together a newsletter for you, and hope you enjoy it. It's a little long, as I wanted to update you on everything that's going on as well as upcoming events. I hope you have some time to sit back and enjoy...
I mentioned in my last newsletter that I was headed to Costa Rica. I had a wonderful time in this beautiful country, and learned things I hadn't known. That's probably one of the reasons I enjoy traveling so much. I get to learn first hand about the world around me and meet new people.
Costa Rica is a beautiful country nestled between Nicaragua and Panama in Central America. It is considered by some to be the Switzerland of that region because like Switzerland it has no army, and in fact, actually hosts a university devoted just to peace.
The area I visited, Liberia, is more rural and less developed than the more frequented city of San Juan to the south. I loved this. Our resort sat right above a beautiful, pristine bay off Playa Hermosa with an abundance of forest and various plant and animal life surrounding us. In fact, I had the opportunity to encounter Howler monkeys up close, see Iguanas strolling along sidewalks and sunning in trees. I also saw many squirrels, a myriad bird population as well as wild, although friendly cats, and had an up close and personal visit with a White Nosed Coati.
Howler monkeys are well named for the ferocious and fearsome roar that belies their somewhat smaller stature. If I hadn't seen them with my own eyes, I would have imagined them as large as gorillas based on the sounds they were making. Not only did they visit close by our room, but they also came in search of mangoes growing in the nearby trees.
The White nosed Coati is an intriguing animal with the coloring and size of a raccoon, but the snout of an ant eater. See a picture of these animals here: http://www.nicoyapeninsula.com/wildlife/index.html. Quite the scavenger, this critter was bold enough to walk onto the balcony and into my room scrounging for food. Some mornings, he would even steal toast out of the turning toaster at the nearby patio restaurant overlooking the sea. The locals didn't seem to mind though, as I often saw them throwing bread and fruit the animal's way whenever they saw it out and about.
Other than the animal life, the people of Costa Rica were warm and welcoming. A majority of the folks spoke English, which helped with my limited Spanish. The food was fresh and delicious with just caught fish, ripe fruit and vegetables dominating many menus. Though hot and humid, the weather agreed with me as I went snorkeling along the coral reefs across from the beautiful coast of Nicaragua and Zip Lining on the "Congo Trail" in the forests not too far from the resort where I stayed.
All in all Costa Rica was a wonderful country I would recommend visiting, if you have the opportunity.
After leaving Costa Rica, I headed to Houston for the 2007 Romantic Times Booklovers Convention. I'll tell you more about that fantastic event next month and hopefully have some pictures to share! In the meantime, if you visit the Romantic Times Magazine website, their RT Convention message board has some great convention pictures attendees have posted for folks to see. Check it out at www.romantictimes.com
NEWS:
AFTER SUNDOWN: ILLUMINATION:
I'm happy to announce that I recently signed a contract with Cerridwen Press for the third book in my AFTER SUNDOWN series! This next urban fantasy is entitled, ILLUMINATION. The plot revolves around Jason, that tall, dark, hunky and mysterious Gargoyle you've read about in the first two books. And if you think gargoyles are nothing more than hard cold stone, think again. Just keep in mind that if you haven't read any of my other AFTER SUNDOWN books, each one is a stand alone story. You can pick up any one of them and enjoy it without first reading the others. I'll keep you posted on a release date for this new tale in the series. In the meantime, if you'd like to read an excerpt, please visit my website for a sneak peek: www.edenrobins.com
Monthly Contest:
This month at my website I'm giving away a signed, paperback copy of the first book in my AFTER SUNDOWN series, my CAPA award winning vampire tale, REDEMPTION. Here's a short blurb:
Welcome to Sundown Security...
We are darkness, danger and power.
Preternatural predators, sworn to protect and help mankind. If you enter our world, expect the unexpected. We aren't the kind you want to be on the wrong side of in a dark alley...or the type you take home to mama...
Tough as nails motivational speaker, Alyssa Edwards, puts aside her pride and hires Sundown Security to protect her from a stalker. There's just one problem...her new body guard is a vampire. Christian Galiano devotes his immortal life to protecting the humans he ruthlessly preyed upon during the first fifty years of his existence. That duty is his only reason for walking the night...until he meets Alyssa.
MySpace:
Curiosity got the better of me. When I went to MySpace for the very first time and discovered this incredibly vast community, I couldn't resist. I joined then and there. I'd love for you to stop by! My new BOOK VIDEO for the AFTER SUNDOWN series is up and running at this site. Please check it out and say hello or join my Friends list at: http://www.myspace.com/edenrobins.
Vlad's Blog at MySpace
I've also started Vlad?s Blog at MySpace. Those of you who have read any of the books from my paranormal AFTER SUNDOWN series know Vlad Maksimovitch is the ancient and sexy vampire owner of the personal security firm, Sundown Security. Well, he's started his own blog on my MySpace, pushy fellow that he is, and has he got a lot to share! If you get a chance, please check out his first blog http://blog.myspace.com/edenrobins and let me know what you think in the comment section.
BLOG IT!
The blog continues...
That's right. I succumbed to temptation and curiosity! On my birthday, September 19th, I decided to join other Cerridwen authors in writing a Blog. If you don't know what a Blog is, it's basically an online journal I'll be keeping, covering all sorts of topics. I'd love for you to take a peek now and again to see what's happening with me, and let me know what you think! I'll be writing two Tuesdays a month. Please visit the Cerridwen Press website, and you'll be able to connect to my Blog from there! Here's the website to read my Blog: http://cerridwenpressauthors.blogspot.com/.
Thanks again to those of you who have commented on my blog so far. It's been great hearing from you! My upcoming Blog dates are June 26th and July 10th. Please stop by and say hello!
New E-Mail:
Don't forget, I've changed my e-mail. You'll see a new address at the bottom of this letter. I've had a big issue with spam over the last couple of months and haven't been able to resolve the situation, so if you'd like to contact me (And I'd love to hear from you), please note the new e-mail address below. I'm not receiving all my mail through my website contact address either, so if you've tried to contact me, and I haven't responded, I'm sorry about that. If you send me a note at the below new e-mail, I'll be sure to get it.
edenrobins@gmail.com
Your Personal Storyteller at Romantic Times Book Reviews Magazine online: I've started a fun storytelling joint venture with Romantic Times Book Reviews Magazine. Please check these stories out at: http://www.romantictimes.com/books_fairytales.php. And don't forget to let me know what you think on the RT Modern Day Fairytale Message Boards!
Here's a little more about it:
Dear Reader,
I have always loved fairytales. Probably for the same reason I love reading and writing romance--that magical, mystical happily ever after ending. Many fairytales, like Cinderella, for example, have such wonderful, universal themes like hope against all odds, creating a wonderful life after starting out with so little, the underdog who wins, meeting the man of your dreams, getting the respect you deserve, believing in magic, and believing in yourself, which folks can relate to today as much as they did when these tales first originated. Contemporary twists on these classic stories can be fun or serious, sexy or sweet, loosely portrayed or true to the original, while still ending in that happy ending we expect and desire.
I've sprinkled fairytale themes into the majority of my romances, whether contemporary, paranormal, or science fiction. And what I've liked best about this is when folks tell me how they have an "aha" moment at some point in reading my books where they start to see the similarities between my story and a certain fairy tale. I enjoy creating that moment so much that when Romantic Times Book Reviews magazine agreed to let me tell you more of these stories, I jumped at the chance.
I look forward to being your personal storyteller, as RT posts these tales on their site for you to enjoy. I even have my own Fairytale Message Board! I'll be checking in on a regular basis to read what you have to say, answer your questions, discuss parts of the story, or talk about your favorite classics. Please feel free to pop in and say hello. I'd love to hear from you!
So, sit back or curl up in your favorite comfy chair and let me tell you a tale that I hope will make you laugh, make you cry, and most of all make you believe in magic and happy endings all over again.
Best,
Eden Robins
NEW! I've invited guest storytellers to this forum! This month, talented, multi published author Amanda McIntyre www.amandamcintyre.net will be telling her fun and entertaining version of The Prince and the Pea. Her tale is entitled The Princess and the Pea, and she'll be glad to talk with you about it or other favorites on the RT Modern Day Fairytale Message Board throughout the month of June.
MONTHLY GARDEN INSPIRATION PROJECT: Thank you to those of you who have written to inquire about a Monthly Garden collection book. I'm glad you've enjoyed my essays, and appreciate your support of them over the last four years. Since many of you have asked when I'm going to make a collection of my Monthly Garden articles into a book, I wanted to let you know that I've started this project. However I've incorporated something new to the idea. It's a "real life, real people, real inspirational stories" aspect to my essays. I'm interviewing inspirational folks I know, have met, or who others have recommended I talk to about their lives.
A collection of these real life stories will be included in my Monthly Garden book to coincide with the themes I've written about through the years. I have several people lined up for interviews, but would like to talk to more people. If you are, or if you know someone who has served as an inspiration to you or others, please contact me at my e-mail edenrobins@gmail.com for consideration for inclusion in this book. Inspiration is around us everyday, in many ways, from every day people if we just open our eyes to the world around us. I look forward to hearing from you about your every day inspiration and the people who have affected the life you live and the person you are!
I hope you liked my May/June Monthly Garden newsletter. Please let me know by sending an e-mail to edenrobins@gmail.com.
Thanks for your support!
Best,
Eden
Visit Eden at www.edenrobins.com for works in progress, contests, and past columns! |
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