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Volume 6, Issue 19
May 10, 2007

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EDUCATION WORLD PREMIERE HUMOR
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MAY CELEBRATIONS FOR THE NOT-SO-OPPRESSED

Lawyers’ May Day March
We’ll gather at the plaza in front of 427 Main Street and march to 429 Main Street. We’ll then all enter six hours onto our billing sheets to account for the march.

Radiologists Rave
Our surgeon friends will be providing the ether for this one, bad boys! Special party event: Read the mystery X-ray and win $4.3 million (paid for out of the association’s petty cash drawer).

Real Estate Developer Debutante Ball
This is going to be a fun event, even if the debs look more like biker chicks than like “America’s Next Top Model” contestants. The serving personnel will be the area’s planning and zoning commissions – don’t bother to tip them; we’re all paid up!

Health Insurance CEO Cinque de Mayo Celebration
Okay, it’s a pretty small number of attendees, but talk about lavish! Spending only the portion of our bonuses that are the direct result of excluding Hispanic minorities from coverage, basically because they can’t get past our fine print, we’ll be hiring an ocean liner for each one of us, equipping each ship with surplus Navy weaponry, and cruising out into the middle of the Pacific, where we’ll form a circle about 300 miles in diameter and shoot down orbiting satellites as though they were piñatas! Ole!

Pharmaceutical Company Mother’s Day Brush-Off
Top executives of the giant pharmaceutical companies are all invited to this delightful “line-up” event, where we choose one old dear to picture in our next round of commercials. The 12.4 million other old ladies who will be there begging for affordable prescription drugs … we’ll send them an electronic greeting card!

Arms Manufacturers’ Memorial Day Turkey Shoot
In honor of the hundreds of millions of the world’s war dead – and the trillions of dollars we’ve made from supplying the world’s wars! – we’ll be holding a massive turkey shoot on Memorial Day, co-sponsored by the NRA. “Turkey” in this case, is, well, the nation of Turkey.

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Poet’s Coroner

Graduation
by Forrest Stone

(Sung to a school anthem type of tune you make up as you go along)

Our year-books we all au-to-graph
We’ve really had a blast
With grad-u-a-tion in our path
We march in-to the past
Our teacher starts in snor-or-ing
She stays out of our hair
Our school-work we’re ig-nor-or-ing
We’re choosing what to wear

We’ll march to Pomp and Cir-cum-stance
Our pictures will be snapped
We’ll have a grad-u-a-tion dance
Our hands will all be clapped
We’ll talk old times, nos-tal-al-gic
Old nick-names we’ll revive
Like, Chrissie’s called Pink Li-ip-stick
And Chris is Mis-ter Jive

The fu-ture looms be-for-ore us
But we must not be quailed
That last ex-am in chor-or-us
Dumb luck that no-one failed
The book-ish and the ve-ry cool
Are bonded, friend to friend
To meet once more in mid-dle-school
And
Do
It
All
A-
Gain!

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