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Volume 6, Issue 15
April 12, 2007

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EDUCATION WORLD PREMIERE HUMOR
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Special All-Poetry Edition of the Humor Newsletter, in Honor of National Poetry Month

Poet’s Coroner

Renewable Energy
by Forrest Stone

I’ve got an idea, quite a simple device
That will solve U.S. energy woes in a trice!
Little treadmills placed under each student’s feet
Hooked up to a flywheel – isn’t that neat?

Don’t you get it? – Each year, ‘round the onset of spring
When they fidget and look out the window, we’d swing
Into action and throw a small lever to lift
The treads to their feet, and then comes the gift

The flywheel nearby would start spinning, in turn
A big magnet would give us some voltage to burn!
With fifty million or so kids that we’ve got enrolled
The kilowatt hours we’d made are untold

We could stop using oil, stop greenhouse emissions
Fuel new research and new outer-space missions
We could clean up the water, the soil, and the air
The only thing worrying me, my big scare

Is that once the kids know their spring fever is used
In this way, do you think they might not be amused?
Might they then settle down, put their heads to their books
Just to spite us, in their minds, these energy crooks?

Then the whole thing might tumble, might falter, might fail
And our national effort come to no avail
Then again, as I watch my young charges each spring
I’m reassured that I’m probably on to a really very, very, very good thing!

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FUNNY POETRY NOW APPEARING ON EDUCATION WORLD
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Oh, the Substitute Is Comin’ in Today
by Eric Baylin

(Sung to the tune of She’ll Be Coming ’Round the Mountain. )

I recall my own experience as an eighth grader: Typically a model citizen, I had joined one day in the mischievous fun that had reduced a sub to tears. The next day, the dean of students came to have a talk with us. At one point, he turned to me and said, with evident disappointment, “And you, too, Eric?" I was mortified. What had happened to me? What happens to students when they sense that a substitute is a bit green and gullible and can be reduced to whimpering? Surely, it’s material for a song!

Oh, the substitute is comin’ in today.
It’s her first time and she hardly knows the way.
They will give her so much trouble; They may burst her little bubble, Like the last one who just left without her pay.

If she’s wearin’ something funny when she comes,
Well, the kids will have her scoffing down her Tums.
They will make fun of her glasses;
They will prob’ly pass some gasses,
And they’ll find convenient places for their gum.

If she smiles and tries to be a friendly soul,
Her benevolence and cheer will take its toll.
They will chew a sub to pieces,
Just because she burps or sneezes.
When she finally breaks, they’ll know they’ve reached their goal.

Well, you wonder what these kids are all about.
And you wonder why a substitute brings out.
All the worst kinds of behavior;
All the headaches that they gave her --
Even from the kids that you would never doubt.

Oh, another sub is comin’ in today.
This one’s tried and true, the kids won’t get their way.
She will torment them in math and
She won’t let them use the bathroom.
She’s a tyrant and she always has her say.

Well, it’s hardly worth the cost to miss a day.
You’ll be cleaning up for days the disarray.
If you’ve got a little chill and
You are feeling rather ill, just
Bundle up and teach your darlings anyway.

Find more of Eric’s songs on Education World at http://www.educationworld.com/a_curr/columnists/baylin/baylin.shtml

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