Fear. It manifests itself in many insidious ways into our life, putting up roadblocks for us along our path. However, I'm learning slowly but surely that there is only one tactic to deal with it successfully. There's only one approach to handle its often debilitating force and come out of it unscathed, or at least relatively so. It's a method that we all know, but often avoid, because we dread the required action the technique implies. It's nothing more than this: FACE YOUR FEAR.
    On the surface, these words don't seem significant, instead they appear clichéd and obvious in their simplicity. We already know this, what's the big deal? Yet if we delve into what it actually mean in the context of our lives, things become much less clear. We're faced with choices as we go through life, and it is up to us how much we let fear control those decisions.
    Do you interview for a new job you really want, even though you get tongue-tied and hyperventilate from fear every time you try, or stay in the one that you have, because it's comfortable? Do you talk to that new person sitting next to you in class, working in your office, exercising on the machine next to yours at the gym, or do you keep silent for fear they might not like you? Do you submit the manuscript that you worked so hard on to a publisher, or do you keep it in the drawer its been sitting in for the last year, because you fear it's still not good enough yet, and will be rejected?
    These are an example of only a few of the choices that we make in our lives based on fear. Yet they are ones that can have profound consequences, depending on which action we take. What if you did interview for that job, and got it? What if it turned out to be the best choice you made, because it became a career that gave you incredible personal success and fulfillment for the rest of your life? What if you did talk to that person next to you, and he or she became the kind of best friend, soul mate, or mentor who had a profound influence on you? What if you did submit that manuscript, the editor absolutely loved it, and offered you a contract immediately?
    What can happen if we make the opposite decision? Well that's hard to say, but what I can be certain of, is that this won't be the only time we're given choices like these. And each time we avoid facing them, could be a missed chance at something better. And though it may not be evident, that decision to do nothing eats away at who we are. It can make us less confident, more frightened and more stressed out. Because when we make a decision to not take a chance, it stays with us. We don't just forget about it overnight. We play the "what if" game, the "if only" game, and the "I should have" game. And those are not pleasant or relaxing past times.
    Face your fear or avoid it? It's a decision we make, whether we consciously acknowledge it or not, either through action or inaction. Recently I had an experience I'd like to share. I entered a writing contest this year. It was my first. I hadn't entered in the past because I feared what kind of feedback I would receive from the judges. Would they blow me away with their scathing comments about how badly I write, and tell me not to quit my day job?
    Despite this, I decided that I would enter my work. I steeled myself for rejection, deep down feeling that I just wasn't good enough. To my surprise and elation, I received a letter some months later saying that I was a finalist. Then I was faced with another decision. As part of this contest, the finalists were invited to attend an awards banquet, where the winners would be announced. It wasn't required that I attend. In fact, I was told that my award, if I won, would be mailed to me, if I wasn't present that night.
    I also knew that if I attended the ceremony and won, I would have to get up and speak in front of a crowd, something I dread above all else, because that means I have to present myself to a room full of people who can easily reject and criticize me for being the imposter that little nagging voice inside of my mind keeps telling me I am. And if I lost, wouldn't I feel like an absolute failure in front of all those writers, publishers, press and media that would be present?
    To go or not to go? I went back and forth with it in my mind for about a month, then finally made a choice. I would go. I wanted to go. I needed to go. It would be fun, I kept telling myself. I probably wasn't going to win anyway, so I wouldn't have to worry about a thank you speech. As the day of the event arrived, I became more and more apprehensive. That night my husband's arm almost broke from me clutching it so tightly as we approached the room where the banquet was being held. I almost turned around and ran. My husband must have sensed this because he looked at me with kind and understanding eyes, and asked me if I was sure I wanted to do this. I swallowed the ostrich sized egg that was lodged in my throat, willing my heart to slow to a pace that I could at least count the beats, and silently nodded my head. With a smile he walked with me into the room.
    Dinner was served before the winners were awarded. I picked at my food, too nervous to eat much, and tried not to think about how inviting the exit door looked. I could just slip silently away and wait for my husband outside. But as the evening progressed, and I engaged in interesting conversation with the other guests at our table, I started to relax somewhat. I wasn't going to win anyway, right? There was a very competent, intelligent looking man at our table who was also a finalist, and I decided fairly quickly that he was going to win, not me.
    After dessert and coffee, the awards ceremony began. Suddenly everything I had eaten seemed to rise up in my throat, threatening upheaval. My heart was beating so quickly, I thought it was going to burst out of my body. I placed my husband's hand over my chest, and knew he could feel it. He looked at me reassuringly and squeezed my hand. The third place winner was called, and it wasn't me. I must be second, I thought. How nice. The second place winner was named, and it wasn't me. I almost fell out of my chair. I turned towards my husband with a look that I'm sure resembled a deer caught in the headlights of an upcoming car, and then quickly glanced towards the exit again. Too late, I'd never make it.
    Then it happened. First place was called, and it was me. I felt myself standing up and walking towards the podium, smiling and saying thank you to the awards coordinator as she handed me my award, yet I felt detached somehow, as if I was someone else doing it. I turned when they asked me to so that my picture could be taken, then listened in a dazed stupor as my biography was read aloud. I whispered to the president of the organization, who was standing next to me, that I didn't know what to say, and she gave me a kind smile, and whispered back, that I should just say thanks.
    Well I won't tell you it was the greatest speech ever, because that would be a gross overstatement. I managed to say thank you in a trembling voice that didn't sound like my own, and then mumbled something about this being a work of my heart before stumbling back to my seat to polite applause. The rest of the evening buzzed by, and after thanking the people responsible for having the contest and awards banquet, we left.
    On the ride home, I thought about what had just happened. I thought about the choice I made, and the wonderful consequences of that choice. I contemplated the almost paralyzing fear I had felt that evening, and I was glad that I had faced it instead of running away from it. Will I feel the fear again if a similar situation arises? Without a doubt. Will the decision be a little easier? Most definitely.
    Fear. It can stop us from pursuing our dreams, so we have to face it. It isn't easy, and it isn't fun, but at the end of the day, we'll be happier for doing so.