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HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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WELCOME TO HOMEBODIES
January 2, 2007
Volume 8, Issue 1
Weekly encouragement and empowerment e-zine
for stay-at-home parents and working parents
considering the at-home lifestyle
Your Hostess - Cheryl Gochnauer, author of
"Stay-at-Home Handbook", "So You Want to Be a
Stay-at-Home Mom", "Mom to Mom" and founder of
http://www.homebodies.org
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THIS WEEK'S ARTICLES:
"Goodbye, Super Mom: Resisting Perfectionistic Parenting" by Homebodies
founder Cheryl Gochnauer
"Home Management 101” by Homebodies columnist Debbie Williams, founder of
Organized Times (http://www.organizedtimes.com)
"Attacking the Laundry Monster – And Living to Tell About It" by Homebodies
columnist Amanda Formaro, founder of The Family Corner
(http://www.thefamilycorner.com)
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GOODBYE, SUPER MOM:
RESISTING PERFECTIONISTIC PARENTING
Homebodies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
homebodies@comcast.net
Copyright 2007
Like Baby Kal-El (renamed Clark by the kindly Kents, who rescued him from
his demolished spacecraft), I exhibited super powers from an early age.
Maybe I wasn’t as showy as Clark – lifting a car with one hand while still
in diapers is pretty impressive – but I did manage to rack up an awesome
array of medals and ribbons, driving my way through elementary and high
school.
Donning my Most Likely to Succeed mantle, I flew off to college, determined
to leap tall obstacles in a single bound.
BIFF! I grabbed my degree. BOPP! I landed Mr. Right. BAMM! I tunneled
into my career.
BING! I birthed a baby without fear, because if anybody could make the
Super Mom thing work, it was me.
And that’s when all the wheels fell off my locomotive.
Kids are like kryptonite. They’ll suck every last bit of energy you’ve got
and leave you in a heap on the floor, your cape flapping pitifully in the
wind.
It’s not their fault, of course. If they were all we had to do, it would
still be a full-time job. But as any Joker will tell you, most women are
playing more than one hand at a time.
Convinced my Daytimer held the keys to the Universe, I figured I would
simply ease my new little one, Karen, into my agenda. It wasn’t long,
however, before I learned a different universal truth – babies don’t read
Daytimers.
For this perfectionistic woman, Super Mom meltdown hovered one unscheduled
mix-up away.
As you can imagine, I cried a lot during those first parenting years. After
Karen’s sister, Carrie, arrived, there were times we all three bawled like
babies. When Carrie turned two, I finally hurled my Daytimer against the
wall. I no longer desired a lifestyle that moved like a speeding bullet.
So I became a stay-at-home mom.
Ahhhhh. Those first few months at home were wonderful. Since I’d cleared
my schedule, I had a chance to rest up and concentrate on my family. My
husband was thrilled to have me around more, and the kids no longer glowed
like kryptonite. Instead, they glowed with adoration for a mom who finally
had time for them.
All was well until my old nemesis weaseled her way back into my household,
only in a new form: Super Stay-at-Home Mom. She sneaked up on me, slyly
transforming my desire to focus on my family into a driving need to become
the perfect wife, perfect mother, perfect volunteer, perfect all-around
person. “You have all this spare time,” she whispered, “since you’re no
longer heading to the office everyday.”
The dastardly seed was planted, took root and grew unabated. To be truly
successful at this new position, I decided, I had to bake like Betty
Crocker, sew like June Cleaver, volunteer like Mother Theresa, and clean
like the Scrubbing Bubbles – which meant that before long, I was working
like a dog, just like I had when I was employed outside the home.
It doesn’t take X-ray vision to detect a pattern here. Once again, I found
myself facedown in the dirt, trampled by so-called responsibilities. I
could curse my fiendish alter-ego, but who was really feeding me this list
of must-do’s?
Me.
Then a voice sounded from the heavens: “He has told you, O mortal, what is
good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love
kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” (Micah 6:8).
Hmmmm. I don’t see a word in there about coordinated curtains.
Why is it so hard for us to find satisfaction in our daily lives? I’m sure
some will call it sin, and that probably plays a part. But I also know from
my own flight down Misery *** that a lot of the striving comes because
we’re unsure of who we are or where we’re going. So we dash from project to
project until we wear out, never truly accomplishing anything of value.
When I look at the Gospels and see how Jesus lived his everyday life, I’m
amazed at how applicable his choices are to my own routine. For instance, I
don’t see him running anywhere. When he spoke with someone, they got his
full attention. He even gave hints on handling anxiety: "Therefore I tell
you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your
body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body
more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow
or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are
you not much more valuable than they?” (Matt. 6:25-26)
I’m a steely gal, and it probably took longer for me to get his message than
most, but I finally unfastened my cape and let it fall to the ground. I’ve
got a new mantle draped around my shoulders now, one that encourages me to
make choices based on Christ’s example, not a demanding schedule.
I do want to do justice, love kindness and walk humbly with my God. But
from now on, I’m not going to obsess over it. Instead, I’ll simply turn my
ultra-sensitive ears toward that still small voice, and let the truly Super
One lead the way.
*****
Have you read Cheryl’s books, “So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom”
(InterVarsity Press, 1999) and “Stay-at-Home Handbook” (InterVarsity Press,
2002)? Request a copy of each at your local library, favorite bookstore, or
online at http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0830823360.
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HOME MANAGEMENT 101
Organized Times
By Debbie Williams
Debbie@organizedtimes.com
Copyright 2007
As a professional organizer, I often hear parents' frustrations about time
management or being disorganized. Most of us are so busy working, commuting,
and carpooling that we just can't find a way to fit everything into a twenty
four hour period. With a bit of help, you can find ways to manage your home
and spend more time with your family.
* Enlist Help- Delegate jobs to other family members. You don't have to do
it all yourself.
* Double Duty- Do two or more things at once: fold clothes while talking on
the phone, file bills or papers while watching tv, etc.
* Beat the Clock - Set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes and have everyone clean
up. Competition is a great incentive.
* Block and Tackle - Use 5 or 10 minute time blocks to tackle those big jobs
(cleaning closets, attic, basement, kids' rooms). The job will get done
eventually, and you will get a sense of accomplishment each time you work on
it.
* Ready the Troops- Iron or assemble clothing for an entire week at a time.
Make lunches the night before.
* Clear the Decks - Leave a clean house. Make beds and wash dishes before
you leave for the day. This keeps you from being overwhelmed when you
return.
* Divide and Conquer - Make a "to do list" at the end of each day,
prioritizing with Must Do Today, Must Do This Week, Would Like to Do Today,
etc. This keeps your tasks in perspective.
We tend to forget that the family unit is just that: a unit working together
for a common goal. In this case, your troops can help you establish a
workable organizing system. Be only as organized as you need to be.
Establish a routine that you know your family will use. If you remember that
being organized is an ongoing process, not an end result, together you can
manage your household and the time that you spend together.
*****
Debbie Williams is an author, speaker and radio host who offers tools and
training to help you put your life in order. Learn more tips like these in
her book, Common Sense Organizing (Champion Press Ltd, January 2005)
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ATTACKING THE LAUNDRY MONSTER –
AND LIVING TO TELL ABOUT IT
The Family Corner
By Amanda Formaro
webmom@thefamilycorner.com
Copyright 2007
In many households, laundry is a chore that everyone dreads. It's a never
ending circle of drudgery, but the work can be minimized by getting into a
routine that you can live with. But how do you decide what will work for
you?
There is no such thing as ONE system that will work for everyone. By picking
and choosing from the list of ideas here, you can customize a system that
will help you master your laundry pile, and make it a liveable, and maybe
even a likeable, part of living. Simply choose from the tips and ideas
listed here to customize your own master laundry plan.
DIVIDE & CONQUER
- Designate a certain day(s) of the week to do laundry (e.i. Saturdays,
every other Wednesday, the 1st and 15th of each month, etc) and log it into
your planner or family calendar.
- Go through the house and collect the dirty laundry everyday and put it a
centrally located hamper.
- Have a designated spot for all dirty clothes so that each family member
can help.
- Put a basket for collecting dirty clothes in each person's bedroom, color
code them to make it easier to identify.
- Plan & utilize your time well while clothes are washing and/or drying.
- Mark labels of clothes with initials of children who wear similar sizes
or outfits.
DETERGENTS
- Install or utilize existing shelving for your detergent, bleach, and
fabric softeners.
- Use an over-the-sink basket to hold detergents.
- Premeasure your laundry soaps, powders, and softeners to use in a snap.
- If you travel to the laundromat to wash clothes, keep a tote with your
laundry supplies in the trunk of your car, and use film canisters to collect
quarters in.
- Keep a pretreater stick or spray bottle in your dirty clothes baskets in
order to pretreat stains right away.
BEFORE THE WASH
- Use plastic milk crates, tall kitchen garbage pails, large buckets, small
laundry baskets, or you can purchase a tri-section laundry sorter for
sorting dirty laundry.
- Have a designated basket that is specifically for stained clothing only.
- Use zipper mesh lingeree bags for each person's socks, these can be
washed, dried, and returned to their owner.
- Safety pin socks together to avoid matching later.
- Avoid the mounds by following the rule: as soon as a basket fills, wash
it.
- For easy sorting for every family member, post signs above sorters or use
color coded containers.
- Sort clothes according to whites, reds, and darks.
- Sort delicates and towels seperately.
THE WASH
- Vow to do at least one load per day, more if possible.
- Arrange it so that the first person to get home starts the washer.
- You may choose not to sort, but wash all clothes together, then bleach
your whites once per month.
- Keep a basket or two handy for removing clothes from the dryer for
folding.
- Set an egg timer so you don't forget to check on your loads!
- Keep a small basket or clothespin bag next to your washer or dryer for
orphan socks.
FOLDING & PUTTING IT AWAY
- Fold clothes as soon as you remove them from the dryer.
- Put the clothes away after folding, or designate certain days each week
to put away folded clothes.
- Make it a game to get the kids involved - sit in a circle with clothes in
middle, have everyone fold and put clothes into piles.
- Fold clothes in front of the TV or while helping kids with their
homework.
- Teach kids to fold their own clothes, start them on towels and dish
cloths.
- Use a table by the dryer to put folded clothes on. When the table is
full, put the clothes away.
- Use small plastic baskets to sort folded clothes into. Have children pick
up their baskets and put their folded clothes away.
- Purchase an inexpensive tension shower rod to hang clothes as they come
out of the dryer.
*****
Amanda Formaro is the entrepreneurial mother of four children. She is also
the owner of FamilyCorner.com Magazine at http://familycorner.com from which
she operates several free newsletters, including her favorite, Comforts of
Home.
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PUBLICATION INFORMATION
Copyright 2007 Cheryl Gochnauer. All rights reserved. For permission to
reprint an article, please write homebodies@comcast.net.
All articles are printed with the author's prior consent. It is assumed that
any questions, tips or replies to questions may be reprinted. All letters
become the property of Cheryl Gochnauer.
Cheryl Gochnauer does not assume responsibility for advice given. All
advice should be weighed against your own abilities and circumstances and
applied accordingly. It is up to the reader to determine if advice is safe
and suitable for their own situation.
Homebodies is a free weekly e-mail newsletter.
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_________________________________________________________________
From photos to predictions, The MSN Entertainment Guide to Golden Globes has
it all. http://tv.msn.com/tv/globes2007/
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