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Smell ya later, Santa

In London, the Ministry of Fun employment agency, which fills 500 Santa positions every year, has drawn up guidelines for Santa to "eradicate" smelly and otherwise bad Santas.

"Santa is a magical and cuddly man, not a fat, smelly slob," said agency spokesman James Lovell.

To work for the agency, Santas must have a bushy white beard no more than 6 inches long and a girth of no greater than 48 inches and no less than 46 inches.

"He must not smell of drink or body odor and his 'Ho! Ho! Ho!' must resonate deeply," said Lovell.

-- Reuters

Smell ya later, weirdo!

In Nagoya, Japan, police arrested Masashi Kamata, 28, after they found about 5,000 pairs of used children's shoes at a rented warehouse. Said Kamata: "I was enjoying their smell."

-- Mainichi

Would a rose by any other name smell as sweet?

Names in the news:

• In Bushnell, Fla., a student at South Sumter High School named Your-highness Morgan has a brother named Handsome Morgan and a cousin named Gorgeous Morgan.

• From a Legal Notice of a Name Change in the Honolulu Advertiser: "Waiaulia Alohi anail ke alaamek kawaipi olani-henoheno Kam Paghmani" changed to "Waiaulia Alohi anail ke alaamek kawaipi olani-henoheno Kam."

• Charged with stealing nearly $300,000 from the Locust Valley Cemetery Association on Long Island, N.Y.: Donald Death Jr.

-- Universal Press Syndicate

Lame joke du jour

Q: Why did Frosty go to live in the middle of the ocean?

A: Because snow man is an island.

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