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WELCOME TO HOMEBODIES
October 31, 2006
Volume 7, Issue 42
Weekly encouragement and empowerment e-zine
for stay-at-home parents and working parents
considering the at-home lifestyle
Your Hostess - Cheryl Gochnauer, author of
"Stay-at-Home Handbook", "So You Want to Be a
Stay-at-Home Mom", "Mom to Mom" and founder of
http://www.homebodies.org
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THIS WEEK'S ARTICLES:
"Housework + Husband = Headache?" by Homebodies founder Cheryl Gochnauer
"10 Fun Indoor Activities for Bored Kids" by Homebodies columnist Amanda
Formaro, founder of The Family Corner (http://www.thefamilycorner.com)
"Can We Afford to Live on One Income?" by Homebodies columnist Gary Foreman,
founder of The Dollar Stretcher (http://www.stretcher.com)
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HOUSEWORK + HUSBAND = HEADACHE?
Homebodies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
homebodies@comcast.net
Copyright 2006
“I’m a stay-at-home mom who feels like a full-time maid,” sighs Ann-Marie, a
Massachusetts mother of 3. “It’s not that I don’t like being a homemaker;
I’m so glad I’m here to make a difference in the lives of our children. But
I need some help!
“I know my husband works hard all day outside the home, but I don’t think he
fully realizes how hard it is to work inside the home. Sometimes I truly
feel that my family thinks they live at the Holiday Inn! Is providing
financially for our family enough to ask of my husband?”
If you’re experiencing a similar type of how-do-we-balance-the-housework
frustration, it’s time to get back to basics with your spouse.
Tell me again why I quit my job. Was it to do your laundry?
Don’t get me wrong. I’ll be happy to clean your clothes, and do my best in
tackling the daily household duties. But if I’m not mistaken, the primary
reason I’m spending more time on the home front is to nurture our kids with
the special hands-on training only a loving parent can provide.
That means my focus will be on character first, clean floors second.
The at-home parent will naturally have more opportunities to perform chores
than the spouse who’s working outside the home. But that doesn’t mean that
our husbands get a free ride.
Now, I’m not trying to give the guys a bad rap. I don’t think most husbands
plan to be insensitive. And I definitely don’t advocate nagging or bullying
them into helping out. (That will normally backfire, anyway.) As Suzie, an
at-home mom from Pennsylvania, notes, “They really don't realize how much we
do, till we stop doing it. My hubby got a wake up call one day when I was so
sick, I couldn't move from the bed. He had to take care of everything, and
when I was better (24 hours later), he said he was never so glad to be able
to work outside the home!
“He finally realized how much I do, day in and day out (that wasn't even
including the kids I usually baby-sit). Ever since then, he has been much
more apt to help out. I also notice that when I don't acknowledge and praise
(him for work done), he doesn't try as hard. When I am loving and
appreciative, he does more! It’s kind of funny, actually.
“He has his slumps or lazy periods,” Suzie acknowledges. “You know what I do
then? I don't worry about much, myself. I sit down with him, and be a BUM
too! This isn't so easy for me; it has taken some practice. I use to be very
compulsive, quite the ‘neat freak’. But when I do this and just take on a
carefree attitude, then I don't get angry and resentful.”
“Housework is one area where my hubby shines,” says Chris, whose husband,
Ernest, is a stay-at-home wife’s dream. “I'd like to take credit for it, but
he went into our marriage with a healthy attitude about helping out around
the house. It also helps that he's reinforced the idea to my kids that they
should clean up their own messes as well.
“Around 4 p.m. each day is ‘clean up time’ for my kids. They fuss and moan
about it, but they understand it is their duty to pick up toys and clothes
that have been strewn about that day so the house looks neat and tidy by the
time Dad gets home. If they don't have it cleaned up by the time he arrives,
there's no TV, computer, etc., until the job is done. They also lose the
reward they gain by having it clean in time.
“By the way, it did take a while for my hubby to develop realistic
expectations about my level of housekeeping once I became a stay-at-home,”
Chris admits. “My domestic skills were never exemplary, and I had been
raised with the notion (mine, mentors', or mother's; I'm not sure) that I
would work a career position and hire someone to do the mundane cleaning
tasks. Not so! But my lack of cleaning skills showed more once I came home
full time, and were accentuated by my husband's notion that I'd have all the
time in the world once I got there.” As Chris and Ernest discussed what they
expected from each other, the tension lifted and they settled into a
cooperative cleaning routine that works well for them.
From her home in Belgium, Rosemarie chimes in with her appreciation of
husbands like Ernest who require their children’s help with the
housekeeping. “The only men that I know who are helpful with housecleaning
are those who've been well trained by their mothers. So ladies, if we want
our future daughters-in-law to be grateful, let's start training our boys!”
Although helping provide a clean and comfortable home is part of an at-home
parent’s job description, it is by no means the defining standard. If you
feel yourself morphing into, as Ann-Marie puts it, “a stereotypical shrew of
a wife, yelling ‘No one around here appreciates me!’,” it’s time to call a
family meeting. Ask for help. Together, re-examine expectations and
redistribute the workload.
After all, you’re a stay-at-home mom, not a stay-at-home maid.
*****
READERS: If you enjoyed this excerpt from my “Stay-at-Home Handbook: Advice
on Parenting, Finances, Career, Surviving Each Day & More” (InterVarsity
Press, 2002), here's a way you can help get the book into the hands of other
present and prospective at-home parents.
The next time you visit your local library, check to see if “Stay-at-Home
Handbook” is on the shelves. If not, simply ask the librarian to order a
copy. Librarians love buying books their patrons like, and there are lots of
moms who can't afford to buy their own copy, but who would appreciate being
able to check it out. It's a win-win situation for everyone.
Here's the ISBN, or order number, the librarian will need:
0-8308-2336-0. Got other favorite parenting books you'd like to see on the
shelves? Bring those to your librarian's attention, too!
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10 FUN INDOOR ACTIVITIES FOR BORED KIDS
The Family Corner
By Amanda Formaro
webmom@thefamilycorner.com
Copyright 2006
When it's raining, snowing, or just plain too cold to play outside, your
household can fall victim to the "I'm Bored Blues". With a little creativity
and imagination, you can turn the tables and find fun things to do without
running to the store or turning on the television. Keep this list of ideas
handy, or write each idea on a slip of paper and put them in a hat. The next
time the kids are bored, let them draw a slip of paper from a hat to decide
which activity to do first!
1) Plate of Bubbles - All you need for this fun activity is a small plate, a
plastic drinking straw, dish washing liquid and tap water. Place two drops
(that's all you need!) of dish washing liquid in the center of a plate.
Carefully run tap water onto plate, pointing water over the dish soap to
create some foam or bubbles. Carefully place the plate on a flat, sturdy
surface, such as the kitchen table, and have your child point his straw into
the water. To create bubbles, blow gently and slowly into the sudsy water.
Not too fast, it won't work! Slow and steady will create huge bubbles!
2) Animal Jumble - This works best with 3 or more children, but can
certainly be adapted for 2 kids. Assign each child a 'secret" animal part,
the child choosing the animal. Have them draw their part on white or
construction paper. The idea is that each child does not know what the
others are drawing. For example, have Bobby draw the head (maybe he chose a
dog), Cindy draws the legs (she chose an elephant), and so on. When they are
all finished drawing, have them cut out their parts and tape the animal
together. Have fun choosing a name for their animal. You may be the first to
discover the "Dog-aphant-monk-iraffe"!
3) Feely Box - Use any box that closes or has a lid, a shoebox is ideal. Cut
a hole in the side of the box large enough for a child's hand to fit inside.
Place an object inside the box and see if they can guess what it is. If they
can't guess right away, let them ask questions or provide them with clues
until they figure it out.
4) Picnic Indoors - Pack a basket with paper plates, utensils and cups. Make
sandwiches, pack fresh fruit, pretzels, a thermos of juice, and yogurt for
dessert. Spread a blanket on the living room floor and serve a picnic lunch
indoors! Add to the fun by dressing in summer clothes or beach attire. Be
sure to wear your sunglasses and your sunscreen!
5) Never Ending Adjectives - Ask your child to point out an object, then
takes turns coming up with adjectives for that object. For example, you may
say "a ball"; your child would say "a big ball". The game might continue
with "a big round ball", "a big round bouncing ball", "a big round bouncing
white ball" and end with "a big round bouncing white beach ball".
6) Hot Beanie - This variation of the old favorite "Hot Potato" uses a
beanie type toy. Have everyone sit in a circle and toss the beanie from one
person to another, never knowing where it's going to end up.
7) Shadowboxes - Paint the inside of a shoebox with black or dark blue
poster or acrylic paint. If you don't have any paint handy, you can glue
black construction paper inside the box. Using white crayons or stickers,
create a nighttime scene with stars and the moon on the black background.
You can use small plastic toys to create a scene inside your shadowbox, or
make your own with construction paper and glue. Cut out small pictures from
coloring books and color and adhere to your scene. Hang a spaceship or
shooting star with a piece of string and glue.
8) Indoor Hopscotch - If you have a cement basement floor, use chalk to draw
out a hopscotch board. When you are finished playing, the chalk will wash
off with a mop and warm water.
9) Family Memory Game - Play a family memory game with your kids by asking
questions like "What is Grandpa's first name?" and "Who is married to Aunt
Tammy?" Look through old photo albums and see if kids can guess who is who
in each picture.
10) Sardines (Reverse Hide-n-Seek) - One child is the hider, everyone else
is a seeker. The hider hides while the seekers seek. However, when a seeker
finds the hider, instead of pointing him out, he joins him in the hiding
place. Soon, the children will all be stuffed in one place, like a box of
sardines! The first child to find the hider gets to hide next.
*****
Amanda Formaro is the entrepreneurial mother of four children. She is also
the owner of FamilyCorner.com Magazine at nla_internal_576654.jpg>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
CAN WE LIVE ON ONE INCOME?
The Dollar Stretcher
By Gary Foreman
gary@stretcher.com
Copyright 2006
Dear Dollar Stretcher,
I have been very interested in gathering information on living on one
income. Although others have helped me with suggestions on saving and even
investing, I still haven't come across methods to calculate actual costs of
working. Could you please advise me on ways to determine these costs?
Thanks! - Karen J.
Karen is not the only one asking this question. A lot of families are
wondering if they could make a go of it on one income. And it's not just
moms who are electing to stay at home. More dads are getting into the act,
too. But one of the key questions for these families is 'can we live on one
income?' Let's see if we can't help them create a framework to make a
decision.
The first step is not surprising. You'll need to know your current income
and expenses by category. If you use a budget you probably have the required
info. Otherwise, you'll need to set aside some time to go through your check
registers, credit card statements and your earning statement from work that
shows your income and deductions. Figure out your income and expenses for
the year. That will be your starting point.
What we're going to try to do is to take your current income and expenses
and make adjustments to both that would occur with the loss of one income.
Once you've done that, you can see if you have enough income to cover
expenses. If possible use a one year period. That way you won't forget
annual expenses like property taxes.
Let's start with the income. That's the easiest. We'll be reducing income by
the gross income of the stay-at-home partner. The key here is to remember
that we'll be using gross pay. That's your pay before taxes and the other
deductions have been taken. We'll consider those deductions in a moment.
Next we'll get into the meat of Karen's question. How much will expenses go
down? Naturally that will depend on your family. So we'll try to give you
tools to estimate the answer for your family.
The first expense that will be lower is your taxes. The most exact way to
calculate how much lower is to work through an income tax return at your new
income level. I know that most of you won't want to do that. The next best
thing is to take the amount of money that was withheld from your pay for the
'retiring' person during the year. Unless you had to write a big check or
got a large refund in April, that will be a reasonable approximation.
The next expense is the trickiest one. That's insurance. You will save any
money that had been deducted from your paycheck. So count any money deducted
from your salary as a reduced expense.
But you'll be losing any coverage you had. So decide whether you'll be
adding 'family' coverage to your spouse's plan, finding a separate plan or
paying the bills yourself. You might need to shop around to check out
competitive rates. You'll need to add that cost to your current expenses.
It's possible that insurance could cost you more than it does now.
What about auto expenses? At the very least you'll use less gas if you're
not driving to work every day. You might get a low mileage discount on your
insurance. If only one person is leaving the house each day, you might even
be able to survive with one auto. Or if that's not feasible, could you get
by with one car that's older to avoid a car payment. The things to consider
with your auto are the payments, gasoline, maintenance, insurance, and
parking/tolls. Remember, even if you don't have a car you might still have
savings by eliminating bus fares or contributions to carpools.
Daycare is an obvious area of savings if children are involved. And it's not
just the check you write to the daycare provider. They might require
disposable diapers whereas you'd be willing to use the lower cost cloth
ones. You'll need to think about your daycare situation and to recognize the
areas of savings.
Grocery expense will almost certainly change. But it can be difficult to
estimate by how much. If you eat out often to save time you'll want to keep
track of what you spend that way. As a rule of thumb it costs only about
half as much to eat similar foods at home. So if you spend $20 per week
($1,040 yearly) in restaurant food, you should be able to save about $500
when you have the time to cook at home.
Even if you do cook all your own meals, you're likely to find some savings.
The time to use coupons and shop sales can save you 15% on your food bills.
You could save money on clothing. Even if you don't 'dress up' for work,
you'll probably still save some. It's not uncommon to the stay-at-home
partner to save 50% of what they've been spending on clothes.
You might also be able to save on dry cleaning and laundry service.
Obviously, this will vary widely depending on your lifestyle. And any
outside laundry services are likely to be eliminated.
Lunches at work are another expense that will be reduced. For those who
bring lunch the savings might be fairly small. Perhaps just the cost of a
daily drink or break-time coffee. Even a dollar a day is about $250 a year
in savings. For those eat in the company cafeteria or a local restaurant the
saving can be significant. Just $5 a day for fifty weeks a year totals
$1,250.
Another often overlooked area is the amount spent on workplace gifts, cards
and cakes. In many workplaces, it's not uncommon to be asked to contribute
on a frequent basis. Think of the requests during the last month and you'll
begin to get an idea of how much you can save in a year.
Finally, you'll want to look for savings that could be unique to your
family. Some children are especially prone to colds they pick up in daycare.
Avoiding those doctor bills would provide savings. Another family might be
prone to 'treat' themselves for surviving their busy schedule. Perhaps with
a slower family pace those treats wouldn't be purchased.
At this point you should be able to adjust your current income and expenses
with the changes. You might be surprised at the results. Many families find
that the second income is all but consumed with expenses that come with a
second job. But the only way to know for sure is to work through your own
income and expenses.
Ultimately, Karen will find that there's more than just income and expenses
to making this type of decision. But, whether her family decides to try to
live on one income or not, it's foolish to make a decision without
considering what would happen to the family budget. We hope Karen finds the
answer that's right for her family.
*****
Gary Foreman is a former financial planner who currently edit's The Dollar
Stretcher website
find thousands of articles to help you stretch your dollar and your day!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
PUBLICATION INFORMATION
Copyright 2006 Cheryl Gochnauer. All rights reserved. For permission to
reprint an article, please write homebodies@comcast.net.
All articles are printed with the author's prior consent. It is assumed that
any questions, tips or replies to questions may be reprinted. All letters
become the property of Cheryl Gochnauer.
Cheryl Gochnauer does not assume responsibility for advice given. All
advice should be weighed against your own abilities and circumstances and
applied accordingly. It is up to the reader to determine if advice is safe
and suitable for their own situation.
Homebodies is a free weekly e-mail newsletter.
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