WELCOME TO HOMEBODIES

July 18, 2006

Volume 7, Issue 27

 

Weekly encouragement and empowerment e-zine

for stay-at-home parents and working parents

considering the at-home lifestyle

 

Your Hostess - Cheryl Gochnauer, author of

"Stay-at-Home Handbook", "So You Want to Be a

Stay-at-Home Mom", "Mom to Mom" and founder of

http://www.homebodies.org

 

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THIS WEEK'S ARTICLES:

 

"Don’t Sweat It" by Homebodies founder, Cheryl Gochnauer

 

"Mom’s Identity Crisis" by Mia Cronan, Homebodies columnist and founder of Main Street Moms (http://www.mainstreetmom.com)

 

"Battling Back to School Budgeting Blues" by Homebodies columnist Amy Bergin, founder of The Couponizer (http://www.couponizer.com)

 

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DON’T SWEAT IT

Homebodies

By Cheryl Gochnauer

homebodies@comcast.net

Copyright 2006

 

 

Although I resist the notion that at-home parents wear nothing but sweats and spit-up, it is true that days can go by before I seriously consider what I look like to others.  After all, there are more important things to dwell on than whether my sneakers match my shirt.

        

But there is something to be said for feeling presentable, and I am trying hard to not fall into the caricature of a slovenly stay-at-home mom.

        

“You know, that ‘frumpy housewife’ was a toughy for me,” Shauna, a former Kansas City teacher, admits.  “I was so glad to NOT have to be in hose and uncomfortable shoes, that I went sweats and t-shirts all the time!  Then I got tired of looking at myself being so sloppy.”

     

Stephanie, who used to work as a human resources specialist, agrees.  “Looking like the frumpy housewife is an easy trap to fall in, isn't it?  I mean, who wants to feel like a stuffed sausage in panty hose when you don't need to!”

     

But the freedom of choosing your own wardrobe each day can backlash into poor self-esteem if you let your appearance totally slide.

        

“I have always been afraid somebody will say, ‘Look at her, she must be a stay-at-home mom’," confesses Lori, who has been home about 9 years.

 

“It's so important not to lose touch with the physical you,” says J.J., who left her job in Springdale, Arkansas to take care of her little boy. “I am not the type of person to forgo the make-up or hair routine. I feel naked without perfume. I keep my toenails painted red! These things keep me connected to the ‘me’ before I became a mom.”

 

Working out at the gym helps J.J. feel rejuvenated, too. “I know this is not an affordable option for many stay-at-home parents, but when my husband got a raise recently, this was the thing we splurged on.”

 

Rather than detracting from her family, J.J.’s time alone enhances her at-home experience. “I get to have a couple of hours to myself, shower, get dressed, have some ‘girl time’ in the locker room with other women and boost my self-esteem. I really feel good about myself when I leave. Then I am fresh and ready for a full day with my son!”

 

Kass runs an Arizona in-home business while raising her three sons.  “Being not only a stay-at-home but a work-at-home mom, it's pretty important for me to be more than presentable when out and about.  There’s nothing like bumping into a potential customer and your hair is up on end, and you have baby spit up on your shirt and holes in your jeans. Talk about embarrassing.”

     

Stephanie refuses to look scruffy and “laze around just because I don't work in a traditional office setting.”  Here are some things she does to maintain her sense of order and respect for herself.

 

“I have my desk at home set up just like it was at work.  I even have my old nameplate, except I changed my title to read simply ‘SAHM’.  I turn my computer on when I wake up and I use my Outlook calendar to keep track of all of my tasks, appointments, pre-school projects, church meetings, and luncheon dates.  It keeps me organized and eliminates a zillion sticky notes all over the house.  My calendar is FULL.

 

“My day is very regimented.  I have something going on all of the time, whether it be household chores or a special project.  I'm busier now than I was when I was working, only in a different way.

 

“I try to wake up a half hour before my boys, grab a shower and get dressed.  I do apply full make-up every day, put on my earrings and watch, wear perfume, cream my hands and curl my hair.  My daughter is usually watching me during my make-up ritual and asks for red cheeks, too.

 

“I honestly do not wear sweats ever, unless I'm tackling a messy project.  My attire is usually a pair of pants (if jeans, they're not ratty and I press them so they look nice), a blouse or sweater and slip-on shoes.

 

“I try to maintain a healthy lifestyle and get plenty of rest so I don't look fatigued and harried. I think nothing beats frumpiness better than a stylish hair cut.  It's the first thing people see, and if your hair looks tired, so do you.  I dress my children in clean, neat but functional clothes, as well.  I believe that my family's appearance is a reflection of me, so they should look nice, too.”

 

In her Idaho home, Angela is convinced that whether at school, business or home, dress affects attitude.  “It is so true!  I go through the whole getting-ready thing everyday, even if we're not going anywhere.  I feel more put together and seem to accomplish more.”

 

Angela also defies Couch Potato Syndrome.  “When I first became a stay-at-home mom, I did watch some TV.  I think I was in the vacation phase; you're so excited to be home and trying to find your routine.  I would schedule my newborn’s feeding time around 11:00 so I could watch Matlock! 

 

“That quickly grew old and now I never turn the thing on, except to catch Oprah once every few weeks.  There's just too much to do.  If you really look at your home and family, there is always something that you can be doing.  Not that down time isn’t necessary (goodness knows it is), but I didn't want TV to be a regular part of my day.  I would end up feeling like I had just wasted an hour or more.”

 

Okay, Ladies. I’m convinced. To maintain a positive self-esteem, I’m giving up sweats and soaps.

 

But I’m keeping my chocolate until I die. 

     

*****

 

“Don’t Sweat It” is excerpted from Cheryl’s "Stay-at-Home Handbook" (InterVarsity Press, 2002). Request a copy of her book at your favorite bookstore or online at http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0830823360.

 

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MOM’S IDENTITY CRISIS

Mainstreet Moms

By Mia Cronan

mia@mainstreetmom.com

Copyright 2006

 

 

Do you ever wonder what the rest of the world is doing while you are up to your ears in laundry, dishes and toys?

 

That can be a daunting thought, even on your best days or especially on those days when you know you won’t be leaving the house except to get the mail. Sometimes it can be hard to remember getting up every morning, showing in peace, having a nice, hot cup of coffee, putting on pretty clothes that have no spit-up (or worse) on the shoulder, and leaving the house to go to a job where a raise is expected if you do your best.

 

Remember lunches out with the girls? They didn’t wear bibs or use sippy cups, did they? Remember being waited on by a friendly server (who also bears no spit-up on his shirt)? Can you recall not asking for crayons to go with the placemat? How about carrying that handsome briefcase into a meeting during which you could nod approvingly at intelligent comments and grin at corporate humor that only an adult can understand?

 

Or think back to shaking hands with a customer even if you are unable to agree on an issue, rather than threatening to spank your customer if he doesn’t promptly remove the Jell-O from his nose. Now THERE’S a stroll down Memory ***, huh?

 

As time wear on, however, this reckoning with the more intellectual world gets easier to confront. We know we have brains in our heads. Heck, a successful company, educational institution or medical/legal practice hired us once, right? And don’t you forget it!

 

There is a lot to be offered, as well as gained, by those who are no longer in the corporate world. We’ve all heard the expression, “the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.” I believe there is a lot of truth in that. The world needs mothers who are willing and able to be at home, sacrificing material things so that their children will be able to take a strong place in the world one day with good morals, strong values, spiritual backbone and the ability to contribute to the lives of those who are not as well-equipped.

 

Sometimes it might feel like you have given up a lot of yourself in order to provide your children with these things. However, when you give some real thought to what your children gain by your uncompromised presence, you will know that you are giving them everything you can to ready them for the world. In turn, you reap the benefits of being the one to witness the serendipitous wonders of the first wobbly steps, hearing the first magical words and seeing the first toothless grins. More importantly, when those questions come up that you’ve been waiting years to answer, such as “Where is God?” and “How come reindeer can fly?” you’ve got your chance. It beats hearing secondhand what another caregiver might tell the child in response to those inquiries.

 

Fortunately for us, there are many ways to combat those lonely feelings. Personally, I find e-mail to be a saving grace for those quiet times during naps when I need to communicate with the outside world. As silly as it sounds, you can feasibly feel more in touch with those with whom you would normally speak on only a monthly basis, by sending quick e-mails anytime you want.

 

There are even more interactive ways, such as playgroups, to have a network of friends who understand the needs of a stay-at-home parent.

 

A routine can be as regimented or unrestrained as is best for you. In planning one, be sure to allocate plenty of play time just for you and your kids. You’re home for them, after all. And they will learn in time that Mommy needs time to do other things, too. Some people find it helpful to do laundry on one or two particular days a week and cleaning on one or two others. If this can be achieved, you will always have a feel for what kind of time you have available to spend outside the house with family or friends. Plan on some time for your own hobbies, too. The key is to stay balanced and avoid feeling like you are always facing another day of chores, so you can always be fresh and in a positive frame of mind for your children.

 

Without a routine, life can become drudgery. This can be said for newly retired people, those forced to be home while they heal from an injury or illness, or those who maintain jobs or businesses at home. At times, we all need to feel motivated by something in addition to our own impulses. So sit down and map out a plan for your day, if you have not already done so, even it it’s as simple as making a “to do” list. You may be surprised how much more you can accomplish with your time.

 

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Mia Cronan is an at-home mother of five children, living in northeast Ohio. She owns and edits http://mainstreetmom.com, the magazine for modern mothers with traditional values. Mia can be reached at mia@mainstreetmom.com.

 

 

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BATTLING BACK TO SCHOOL

BUDGET BLUES

The Couponizer

By Amy Bergin

abergin@thecouponizer.com

Copyright 2006

 

 

When the grocery store starts selling lunch boxes and school supplies, you know that the summer break days are numbered.

 

I can remember from my own school days the feeling of confidence and anticipation that came from going off to meet my new teacher and classmates with a new backpack, lunch box, clothes and shoes. And now that I am a parent, I want to pass on these same feelings to my kids but without breaking the bank. Costs associated with back to school expenses can be crippling for families if you spend before doing a little studying of your own!

 

So, as the lazy summer routines give way to more structure every August, this is when spending skills are tested for most families. Any change in routine can cause stress on the family spender and if left unprepared you may find spending can get out of control and leave you with the same old feeling of frustration. So, below are some tips to help make the shift go smoothly and with as little impact to the checkbook as possible:

 

1) A little planning goes a long way. Before shopping for anything related to getting ready for school, spend some time with your kids discussing what is needed and when it is needed. This will give you an idea of the overall cost involved so you can plan accordingly. In about 3 weeks, revisit the list of things you classify as “Need Later” to see if you really need them. Get a sturdy clipboard and use the worksheet located on my website as a guide for each child.

 

2) Each child will have different needs since each grade has different supplies, clothing trends and lunch considerations. Check the school website for more information such as a grade appropriate supply list before shopping. Most kids can get by in the first few days with the basics, and then fill in the rest of the supplies after your student has met the teacher and knows what is expected.

 

3) Shop for categories of items separately to enable tracking your spending. If you lump all the shopping into one big trip for all your kids, it is much easier to loose track of your spending goals. For example, shop for all the lunch supplies on one trip and the next trip shop for the clothes, etc.

 

4) If you have more than one child to outfit for school, take advantage of sales for multiple purchases. For example, buy one get one free shoes, snacks and drinks. For the most savings, combine a store coupon with an offer like this.

 

5) Delay some of your purchases until after school starts. While there are lots of great back to school sales before school starts, try to hold off since often you will see even deeper discounts when overstocked inventory must go in a few weeks. Also, your child may change their mind about what they need based on seeing what the trends are at school.

 

6) Use the internet to find store coupons and online coupon codes that are not available anywhere else. For example, www.alexscoupons.com lists a huge variety of coupons and by spending a few minutes surfing before shopping you can yield big savings.

 

Remember there will be other expenses incurred as you get into the school year, such as after school activities, school events, and gifts so if you plan ahead, you will be in a better position to manage the financial impact.

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Amy Bergin, mother of three children, developed THE COUPONIZER®. A must have organizing tool for any family who strives to save on everyday items and spend on what they really want. Selected as part of QVC's Decade of Discoveries Product Search Tour, she has had several QVC on air SELL OUTS! To find out more visit her website www.thecouponizer.com.

 

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PUBLICATION INFORMATION

 

Copyright 2006 Cheryl Gochnauer. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint an article, please write homebodies@comcast.net.

 

All articles are printed with the author's prior consent. It is assumed that any questions, tips or replies to questions may be reprinted. All letters become the property of Cheryl Gochnauer.

 

Cheryl Gochnauer does not assume responsibility for advice given.  All advice should be weighed against your own abilities and circumstances and applied accordingly. It is up to the reader to determine if advice is safe and suitable for their own situation.

 

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